Owen's Practice Journal, Part II

Was sick as a dog for the last week, now feeling better. This was the first time since 4th path that I've been through that. Throughout the experience, I wasn't suffering. I felt like crap, but I wasn't suffering.

Guys, finish this up. It's too good to miss.

I'm curious as to why so many these days seem to feel that doing the Mahasi noting technique as instructed is a bad thing? It as though a lot of people around here are modifying to their own liking, playing with different techniques, or jumping from one new thing to another instead of just getting in there and doing the practice as given?

I'm a good example of the fact that it works if you just follow the simple instructions with near psychotic determination. You can get this done quickly. The 1st gear development approach works if you are willing to dedicate yourself to it. You can get enlightened. The instructions are right in front of you.

Owen I'm following along with the mahasi technique fairly closely, with modifications by Kenneth.
1. Noting out loud whatever is currently presenting itself (because noting out loud doesn't really work, for me, if I am following the breath at the abdomen)
2. Switching to eye focus thingy when things get subtle (if I am in a position to do this).

While working it was straight noting throughout the day.

I'm basically trying to do as I've been instructed as precisely as possible until my next meeting with Kenneth.

Hi Owen,
I wanted to ask your opinion on the practice. I'm from the Goenka Camp, but getting good results from the noting. I have a few group sits I can attend in my area to get a nice 4 5 hours of sitting in. I can't note aloud
with a group but there is support in meditating with a group. Should I stay solo and do 2 hours aloud on my own and pass on the group sit? Or try and note silently while with the group. Just curious.

Cheers

Hey Keith!

Try and develop the abiltity to do both verbal AND mental noting. It will be a good skill/tool to put in your yogi toolbox. Just don't let anyone in on what you are doing!!!

"Hi Owen,
I wanted to ask your opinion on the practice. I'm from the Goenka Camp, but getting good results from the noting. I have a few group sits I can attend in my area to get a nice 4 5 hours of sitting in. I can't note aloud
with a group but there is support in meditating with a group. Should I stay solo and do 2 hours aloud on my own and pass on the group sit? Or try and note silently while with the group. Just curious.

Cheers
"

Hi Keith. I'm sure Owen will respond, but in the meantime, I thought I would jump in because I'm also intending to do a one-day Goenka sit on Saturday. For me, the verbal noting is incredibly powerful, I think because it is easier to max out on my processing ability and is much harder to slacken off. I wish I could do it on Saturday, but since I can't, I'm going to do intensive verbal noting in all my sits building up to Saturday. I'm confident that with practice (and near psychotic determination!) I should be able to build my silent noting up to the same intensity.

I did verbal noting with Kenneth online and silent one note per second sits most of the rest of the time. I sat alone from 2nd to 4th path, so noting out loud wasn't an issue for a group.

So I wasn't so much trying to single anybody out, but I more wanted to emphasize that there is a subtle ego trap that can show up when people try and modify practice on their own. People sometimes get the notion that they can control the process of awakening, but that just makes them spin for years without making progress.

I'm a big fan of what worked for me, which was:

1. Find a teacher who is enlightened.
2. Let them know you want to get it too.
3. Make doing the practice they assign exactly as instructed the most important thing in your life until you get it.
4. Profit.

I'm not into unquestioned obedience or anything, but I keep seeing people (not so much here thankfully) who go to a teacher, get a practice, and then go do their own thing and wonder why it isn't working. And it doesn't matter so much what the practice is as long as it has a proven track record of getting results. I personally know somebody who got it with "Mu". But what want to emphasize is that getting this takes near insane amounts of work and dedication. If someone were holding your head under water, you would be obsessed with doing what ever it took to get the next breath of air. For solving the problem of suffering, you need to have the same kind of commitment. If you are willing to fight for it and are doing a practice that works, you will wake up. No question.

My Rinzai is showing.

Thanks guys and yea for " near psychotic determination "
I learned from Goenka to stick to the method your current teacher is giving and I'm cool with that. And yeah I feel you on this one...

" but I keep seeing people (not so much here thankfully) who go to a teacher, get a practice, and then go do their own thing and wonder why it isn't working. "

Cheers

Thanks for the inspirational message, Owen.

I've been taking on noting-out-loud for just the last two weeks, and I feel like I'm on fire with it- but it comes after years of a more passive kind of practice, so there's still the strong pull toward just letting my jaw hang and enjoy the (much-enriched) scenery. When I remember to get back to noting, things often then pick up and go to another level.

I will take that "holding head under water" image into the next sit.

If you take all the desire you have for enlightenment and redirect it into a desire to precisely follow the instructions and master the techniques as given, you will get this.
It worked for me. Just a suggestion.

Yet you must not cling to the words of the old sages either; they, too, may not be right. Even if you believe them, you should be alert so that , in the event that something superior comes along, you may follow that.
-Dogen

Had a chat with Kenneth last night. Direct mode works. It appears to be a lovely way to embody enlightenment. The trick to staying in it, at least so far for me, is to be relentless about grounding. It takes the same level of commitment as noting. If you keep grounding whatever comes up, eventually it starts to feel like an equilibrium is reached and suffering drops away. 4th path was about getting access to this, and I caught a pretty big glimpse of it during my "moment", but stable access requires a commitment to practice. Attaining realization and embodying it are not the same thing. Frankly, I'd rather not suffer so I'm going to keep it up. I'm curious to see where this goes.

Also, it seems as though when I begin to ground emotions in the body, a kind of burning drama comes up. I'm conditioned that the emotional life must be so intense and dramatic; I'm not used to grounding that part. But when I ground the drama I hit direct mode. It's very simple. Am I suffering? Yes. Where? There. Ground that. Right. Don't make a thing out of that. If you do, ground that also.

Oh, right. My thoughts, emotions, perceptions, stories, opinions, judgments, preferences... they don't actually mean anything. Heh, forgot about that. That made things easier. I can ground with impunity now.

The pull method of entering into direct mode is working today. The painlessness of this is incredible. It feels like my heart is an old, rusted storm cellar door that is getting pulled open. It's difficult to sustain though, the ego is not fond of this. There is a lot of identity with suffering that is getting trashed. My "stuff" is getting realigned.

Owen,

Could you elaborate on the specifics of how you're employing the "pull" method of entering into direcrt mode?

Eric

"Owen,

Could you elaborate on the specifics of how you're employing the "pull" method of entering into direcrt mode?

Eric"

Yeah, It's dirt simple. I look around and surrender to the patterns of shapes and colors in my visual field that are happening now. I get pulled into it. Kenneth wrote about it in the direct mode article. Works better than the push mode (feeling the whole body at one) for me to get into direct mode, but I need the push mode to sustain it.

Am I habitually trying to have a different experience? Oh, that's what hurts...

So I'm now starting to notice a "wobble" as I tune into the sensations of being. It appears to be the attention wave people are talking about. Also noticing an energy buildup in the base of the neck (C1 vertebra). I keep having brief pops into PCE/direct mode, but they are not yet sustainable.

Owen,

I'm having a treat reading about your experience with direct mode, brother. One of the things I know many of us have been wondering is if this grounding eventually allows for direct mode to kick in and permanently stick(I think I read a thread where Kenneth was mentioning he's been successful at it). Direct mode seems like a natural progression after 4th path, and certainly a level of refinement that can only be stabilized permanently after reaching 4th path. Keep up the good work!

Jorge Freddy

P.S. Even though advanced yogis seem to be the ones with the higher rates of success with direct mode so far, it would probably be pretty cool to talk about it on the Hamilton Project.....?

"Owen,

I'm having a treat reading about your experience with direct mode, brother. One of the things I know many of us have been wondering is if this grounding eventually allows for direct mode to kick in and permanently stick(I think I read a thread where Kenneth was mentioning he's been successful at it). Direct mode seems like a natural progression after 4th path, and certainly a level of refinement that can only be stabilized permanently after reaching 4th path. Keep up the good work!

Jorge Freddy

P.S. Even though advanced yogis seem to be the ones with the higher rates of success with direct mode so far, it would probably be pretty cool to talk about it on the Hamilton Project.....? "

Hi Jorge,
Glad your guys are enjoying my notes. Always nice to hear.
As to if this will allow this to permanently stick, I have no idea. I'm still in the phase of constantly grounding proto-emotions and occasionally dropping into a PCE. To be honest, I'm only going to be willing to call this a permanent switch if it lasts for at least a couple years and is able to withstand a major life crisis, such as a death or some other profound loss without any suffering arising. I have serious doubts about that but hey, this is an experiment.

We (hamilton project folks) got together last night over skype and chatted about this. No recording this time, more of a groundwork comparing notes sort of a thing. I think eventually we will have a podcast about it, but I think it needs more shakeout time. This is pretty new for all of us.

So lately I've been doing a lot of walking meditation while grounding. It seems that the dynamic nature of sensations while doing that help. My opinion today is that the subtle emotions are another set of sensations that have been identified with and put on a pillar, like the sensations of self pre 4th path. I feel a bit like I've gotten caught with my ego hanging out.

Extended PCE for a couple hours last night. Seems the trick was to drop some very subtle resentments about existing without my consent.

Borderline PCE this afternoon. I keep dealing with proto-emotions and there is a palpable pressure and tension around the hara. Usually when I get into a PCE, there is a sudden dropout of this tension; I'm associating it now with the self-contraction (small self). I've also noticed that as I do it, I'm disembedding from the basic feeling of being. Nick's description of an alien entity is spot on.

The question that keeps coming up is this, "Without the self-contraction, how would reality show itself?" Asking that question brings me closer to it. I'm sort of working it like a koan. I also figured out that if I tune into the feeling of sound at the ear - right at the area where sound is first perceived, it works to tune me into PCE/direct mode.

Behold, my new tshirt:
theidproject.org/node/773

lovely. can't wait until it arrives.

nice!