Owen's Practice Journal, Part II

"I agree. After a certain point in practice words like feeling, emotion, mind state or body state do not describe the reality very well to someone who is not experiencing the same thing."

Exactly. At this point I'm half tempted to just go back to the Zen style and hit people with a stick if they get caught in concepts. Going to look for a good used keisaku on ebay now.

"Exactly. At this point I'm half tempted to just go back to the Zen style and hit people with a stick if they get caught in concepts. Going to look for a good used keisaku on ebay now."

Haha.. let's not go too far and start telling total beginners to 'just sit', deriding anything 'being' manifests as as worthless hallucinations...

"Haha.. let's not go too far and start telling total beginners to 'just sit', deriding anything 'being' manifests as as worthless hallucinations... "

Ok, how about this then. From the moment you get up in the morning to the moment you loose consciousness at night note the 3 characteristics of each phenomena coming in through the six sense bases while being that phenomena. If you get lost, go back to the body. If you get really lost you might need to cry for a while. If you do just this without any other goal in mind this process will complete itself.

Wilber: One Taste. Page 38-39, regarding constant consciousness
"As you persist in noticing (and relaxing into) the choiceless awareness of what is, then this consciousness will begin to extend from the waking state into the dream state'”you will simply remain as choiceless awareness, as the mirror-mind, as constant consciousness, even as the dream state arises.
You will notice that phenomenologically the gross world'” the physical body, the sensorimotor world, and the ego built upon them'”all begin to dissolve into the subtle world of imagery and vision. In any event, you remain conscious.
With further practice, that choiceless awareness will extend from the dream state even into deep dreamless sleep. And since 'you' are still present (not as ego but as I-I, as pure consciousness without an object), you will find a much deeper and truer identity: you are still tacitly conscious when there are no objects, no subjects, and no contents at all'”no suffering, no pain, no pleasure, no desire, no goals, no hope, no fear. There is nothing arising at all, in this pure Formless state'”and yet you are, you still exist, but only as pure consciousness. There is no body, there is no ego, there is no mind'”and yet you know that you exist, and so you are obviously none of those lesser states. You are only you'”that is, there is nothing but pure I AMness, pure nondual Consciousness, which is so radically free, unlimited, unbounded, and unqualifiable, that strictly speaking we can only call it 'Emptiness''”and that is what it 'feels' like as well: an infinite Absence or Abyss, which is just another name for infinite Freedom."

2 things:

First: Buy a new stick--come on man support the economy

Second: If you had tho choose between being a spy, a ten fetter arahat, or sleeping with Beyonce what would you choose--

"
14. Sense of "oh, I appear to be doing something", the idea of owning volition went away. I'm constantly surprised as to what I'm going to do next.
"

Owen, it first made me laugh, but now I already have to apologize in advance for the scientist/healer in me:

If I would give you an antipsychotikum, do you think you would be the old owen again? With all the disorientation and depersonalisation this seems to be a healthy version of a psychosis. Sorry 4 the pathologizing terminology, but I know you have enough humor to follow me in my thought experiment.

1. Can you find any mental switch to be the old owen? If No -> 2. Imagine there is a way, what would it be? What would be the first step to go there? If you don't know -> 3. What would you need to find out?

If it is the same mechanism like a psychosis and you could find a mental way back, I am not exaggerating when I say that this would be the most important discovery in medicine in the last 100 years, probably at all. Please wave to me when you get the nobel prize cause you get it for sure. There would be millions of people that could be healed from the most terrible mental disease one can imagine.

Feel free to just ignore my post if I am disturbing your state. Thank you.

@ the asshats. I could sell you some drift wood i whittled down into an exact replica of Harry Potter's wand. It doubles as a zen monk enforcer. If you could choose between being Omar, Brother Mousane, Snoop or a ten fetter arahat which would it be?

"Owen, it first made me laugh, but now I already have to apologize in advance for the scientist/healer in me:

If I would give you an antipsychotikum, do you think you would be the old owen again? With all the disorientation and depersonalisation this seems to be a healthy version of a psychosis. Sorry 4 the pathologizing terminology, but I know you have enough humor to follow me in my thought experiment.

1. Can you find any mental switch to be the old owen? If No -> 2. Imagine there is a way, what would it be? What would be the first step to go there? If you don't know -> 3. What would you need to find out?

If it is the same mechanism like a psychosis and you could find a mental way back, I am not exaggerating when I say that this would be the most important discovery in medicine in the last 100 years, probably at all. Please wave to me when you get the nobel prize cause you get it for sure. There would be millions of people that could be healed from the most terrible mental disease one can imagine.

Feel free to just ignore my post if I am disturbing your state. Thank you.
"

Nah, not disturbing. Now that the fun part seems to be wrapping up I find myself wondering how to manifest as a bodhisattva.

Seriously though, I can't find a way to go back to the old Owen. Trust me, in my recent disorientation I've tried.

"Now that the fun part seems to be wrapping up I find myself wondering how to manifest as a bodhisattva. "

))) that's the part I can understand

This shift is moving to the place where things are now seeming more normal. I can barely remember what it was like before, though I do have flashes of a shadow-self that tries to get traction and fails miserably.

I spent some time last night trying to generate affect or a sense of self and I almost got back into it - but it just couldn't hook up to anything. The best I got was a perspective that was slightly more localized around the head and eyes with a flash of tension in the chest - what before I was mistaking for a self and on which I would layer a sense of agency.

Three other things which seem notable:
1. It's now very clear how much time I spent "flinching" from emotions that I knew were about to arise. That flinching is still there, but it without a reason. I suspect it will dissipate after a while as it's getting less and less pronounced.

2. I also spent a ton of time trying to generate positive affect. This is noticeable as I shuffle through my ipod as I walk to work. Since that doesn't work so much now I find myself listening to a lot of complex or textured music or stuff with a good rhythm rather than music that conveys more identity or emotional material. My playlist is becoming more Bach and Plasmatics heavy. Aesthetics are becoming extremely important as a sense of beauty replaces the emotions. I want to learn how to dance as I'm now not at all self conscious.

3. I seem to be interacting with people much more easily since I have no stake in what they do and I'm paying very, very close attention. I don't wander away into past or future (though happenings in the room do grab my attention) and it seems that most of what people want from me is to understand them rather than to mirror their affect.

(All very interesting. Man, a kingdom for an fMRI. Would be pretty cool to have a high resolution fMRI of the stages of development. would give more information than the mountain top foto. these before/after fMRIs don't tell so much about the path one took from the valley to the top, from normal-owen to no-owen-mode.)

For whatever reason I've fallen in love with Dubstep for its unpredictability and complexity.

I think in some way it reminds me of the energetic shifts of rapid fire noting.

Use headphones - these will sound horrible on your computer speakers.

Pendulum - Set Me on Fire


Feed Me - Cloudburn


UKF Dubstep - Cracks

Some amusing enlightenment music:

Nine Inch Nails - Only

"I'm becoming less defined as days go by
Fading away
And well you might say
I'm losing focus
Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself

Sometimes I think I can see right through myself [x2]
Sometimes I can see right through myself"

"Pendulum - Set Me on Fire

...
UKF Dubstep - Cracks
"

o man.. eargasm... just what i was in the mood to listen to! any chance you can post/PM me some more like these two? (2nd one is a bit too slow/not grungy enough for me)

i offer: Skrillex - Kill Everybody ( )

My fav dubstep

"My fav dubstep






"

Wow, trying to closely follow that Noisia one just gave me seriously out of control kryas.

Peace.

So this unbinding thing still has a touch of disorientation, but is now the new normal. I'm _mostly_ used to it. I can't really remember what it was like before. I do remember thinking frequently "wow! my hands are moving all by themselves" when I type but now that's just the way things are. It's kinda spooky how fast you get used to things.

Thoughts think, the voice speaks, the body does what it needs to. "My" input was never needed or in fact really ever there, it just felt that way. Now it doesn't.

Affect is still gone, but there are still body sensations and sometimes they get extremely uncomfortable. I noticed during a very intense situation (one that might have needed lawyers to resolve) how tight my body got and how my face flushed. I probably appeared pissed. My thoughts however were just "ok, neato. What's this then?" and the tension couldn't escalate. And that's the big difference, without a sense of me in the middle it just can't hit anything. Before it felt non-stick, but now it feels like there is no pan.

Caveat: It doesn't matter how enlightened you get, crap is always flying.

Out of curiosity Owen,

1. Do you find yourself still sitting on the cushion at times for no particular reason?

2. Are the three C's apparent or not?

-Bill

"Out of curiosity Owen,

1. Do you find yourself still sitting on the cushion at times for no particular reason?

2. Are the three C's apparent or not?

-Bill"

Although directed at Owen and assuming Owen and I have landed the same thing, here are my own answers, which might differ or relate well to Owen's experience.

1. Life, 24/7 is now a cushion, not by choice, but since everything is apperceived at the point of contact without any hinderance automatically, it's impossible not to 'meditate' continuously automatically non-stop in any position regardless of what pops up. Any sitting formally is just another position the body takes and not a common one these days.

2. How could they not be? There's recognition that phenomena change, have no agency to them, and ignorance of these characteristics are cause for much misunderstanding and thus suffering for 'beings' caught up in the flow of 'being'.

Nick

"Out of curiosity Owen,

1. Do you find yourself still sitting on the cushion at times for no particular reason?

2. Are the three C's apparent or not?

-Bill"

1. Yeah, I sit but the reason is to practice. This can _always_ deepen. More and more, I feel like a baby. I'll be refining and dropping things until the day I die.

2. Yes, but the difference is that they are also present in my concept of the 3 C's. Another way of saying this is that when I'm thinking about the 3 C's, the thoughts are seen as impermanent, coreless and unsatisfactory. From time to time it's good to burn the raft, if only to keep warm.

Congrats! Interesting! Thanks for sharing!

"1. Yeah, I sit but the reason is to practice. This can _always_ deepen. More and more, I feel like a baby. I'll be refining and dropping things until the day I die.

"

What do you practice now? I would guess that some of what you used to practice has become superfluous.
Gary

"What do you practice now? I would guess that some of what you used to practice has become superfluous.
Gary"

I feel a pull toward shikantaza and cultivating a deeper surrender. It always seems to come back to that.

I see at least two things that distinguish you, in my thinking, from typical AF.
1) You continue to practice some form of meditation after AF. The typical AF- no-self person does not practice because they see no need for it. They don't talk about further development as an option. They have succeeded in their quest, and won the prize. How can you go further no-self than complete no-self?
I know of only one person who talks about further evolution along the no-self "path"- Bernadette Roberts. She describes some mind boggling and much deeper experiences of transformation long after experiencing no-self. I think I read about it in "What is Self?" so you probably know about it too. But Bernadette's description of the no-self state definitely does not match the AF description of no-self.
2) You continue to practice surrender, and the AF types, AFAIK, don't advocate or practice surrender. I have thought a lot about this recently, after reading the piece on apperceptiveness that Nick posted on his blog wherein Richard gives instructions for evoking a PCE.

nickdowntherabbithole.blogspot.com/2011/...ptive-awareness.html

continued