JYET's practice II

I know what you mean. It's like this craving is in the way for the cessation to actually happen. Every time I'm close it arises and i note it. But it comes back next time. I'll try to focus on the let go part more. NS will happen when it's time i guess. Because the jhanas have come so easily for me I think that a part of me believes that NS should be just as easy. But it's not. Well, well, let go, let go.......

Have been busy with visiting love and new work and have felt no desire to post either. actually the week my love was here i didn't even sit every day. back on track since monday 2 h a day. Spoke with Ron then and he believes I have accesses to NS although it is an anti climax for me. Had expected something much more grand to be honest. But there is something occurring with a build up in tension and a release when I press on the sweet spot for sure.

Feel no desire to do jhanas instead i just sit for the hour and let what happens happen. No wish to manipulate but a desire or more a need to do nothing. often I get very still and quiet,

This evening sit I experienced many buildups of tension in the third eye followed by a twitch and release/bliss without intentionally doing anything. I would call those fruitions and feel happy and content now afterwards. Should be sleeping up in 5 h but something kept me awake to post this.

Sounds like you are cooking along. Good work. Keep it up.

One more thing. The witnessing sense is much stronger since 1-2 weeks back. and easily accessible use quite a lot when possible throughout the day. Also been watching tensions in the gut area at work when ego has been challenged.

Thanks Russel. it kind of feels like I'm carried in my practice at the moment it does it self. Just to step back and ride along.

Started morning sit with the 20 min I had left on Adyshanthi's talk on different awakenings. it set the mood for the next 40 min which became progressively calmer and more spacious throughout. It felt where restful to sit and just be.

Afterwards I went out to go to yoga class and was in a strong witness state all the way there, it was even left lingering during class. had a hard time to focus and longed for the relaxation exercises towards the end from the beginning.

Afterwards there was a subtle dissatisfaction, unsatisfactoriness and I longed to get home to just kick back. have done that now along with a bit of binge eating.Had big cravings to overfill the belly and I went along with it. What the heck it's saturday

"This evening sit I experienced many buildups of tension in the third eye followed by a twitch and release/bliss without intentionally doing anything. I would call those fruitions and feel happy and content now afterwards. Should be sleeping up in 5 h but something kept me awake to post this."

For the record. The same happened the day afterwards and now there feel like the stillness and natural beingness has increased in my sits. Exiting to see if this shift will stay then it might have been third path?!

Time will tell........

Although the sits have been restfull and spacious as mentioned before. Off cushion saturday, sunday there have been a sense of disatisfaction. Had huge cravings to eat a lot yesterday as well. I know this is some kind of escapism from experince.and physicaly I paid a price my gut is a mess today. Why did i do it? Or maybe I should ask myself "who did it?"

Changed the sitting structure in last 2 sits. now counting for 30min with the idea to just sit and rest with a stable mind in the 30 left. Yesterday evening there was a lot of energy movements, releases. In the head mostly and it made the resting hard. But this morning there was resting a lot of the time. The thoughts keep creeping in regularly through the backdoor though. Suddenly they are just there.

Felt that more anapana counting was beneficial so will keep that for a while.

"The thoughts keep creeping in regularly through the backdoor though. Suddenly they are just there." -JYET

Notice the tendency to form an adversarial relationship with thoughts. Just let 'em be. Get curious about it: "I wonder what my next thought will be..." Then, just watch, as a cat would watch a mouse hole. (Thanks to Eckart Tolle for the technique.)

Thanks for the reminder Kenneth have used that exercise a few months ago but had forgot about it. Will pick it up again along with my atempt at resting and listening for the ships in the harbour.

Just came back from my weekly sitting group where i tried the cat and mouse game and it worked well. Some thoughts crept in still but the periods resting, watching in awareness naturally grew because of the attentive cat consciousness

Last four days have been interesting off cushion, moods keep shifting everyday, Monday angst, tuesday blissed out on top off the world. Wednesday angst again mind was making all this negative stories bordering to paranoia. Thought that people at work where taking behind my back and stuff. manged it quite well though had a sense that it was mind BS really. even though I was suffering. Today was some type of mix mostly positive feelings though.

"For the record. The same happened the day afterwards and now there feel like the stillness and natural beingness has increased in my sits. Exiting to see if this shift will stay then it might have been third path?!

Time will tell........"

Follow up post. It does feel like something has shifted, In the sits there is like a restful being in stillness is the baseline now. There are still thoughts but it's like they visit the stillness now and not stillness visiting a stream of thoughts if that makes any sense?

Feel no desire to do jhana. have been experimenting a bit after some sits with NS and I'm still not 100% sure what's happening. There is a build up in tension and a release . But I wonder if the release is just because i forget to breath or if it really is a cessation. Advice on how to prolong or know that it is a NS cessation would be appreciated.

The peacefulness in the sits is in contrast to a unsatisfactoriness off cushion however. Want to distract myself with food and internet in my free time.

What to make of this? I don't know?

Feeling totally blissed out and in love with everything right now, was reading Jackson*s old practice thread while listening to Krishna Das chanting. The none dual wisdom in it a long with the devotional chants really touched me. Then I spoke to a spiritual friend who I shared teacher with at one point. She is a real bhakti queen with a full blown open heart. There was so much shakti resonance between us that we could hardly speak at times.Was along time since I got this blown away, I know it is just a state, but I will enjoy it. Feel that this is what I miss in buddhist practice, love and shakti, it gets quite cold and intellectual at times. Nice to be a pragmatic yogi so I don't have to choose. One foot on the hindu path and the other one on the buddhist suits me.

just sat for 30 very still min doing nothing, now tea and then another 30 min

Peace, love and shakti blessings
Erik

Have to share this beautiful Nisargadatta quote from Jackson's thread the realizations of the heart and mind meet and life flows.

Not my experience but I feel a deep resonance with this wisdom.

"Love says 'I am everything'. Wisdom says 'I am nothing'. Between the two,my life flows."

Beautifully still morning sit. First counted for 30 min then Silence took me for a ride the other 30, inwards, downwards, no effort, letting go happened on it's own.

Just counted breath 30 min then sat 40min in a darkness, that was pulling me inwards downwards, very restful. Head especially forehead became very heavy and thick and thoughts had a hard time penetrating.

Morning sit 60 min very similar to last post, evening. But this time I experienced two short blink outs at the third eye. Somehow the compact darkness blinked out and became even darker, nothing blackness. it was followed by a bliss wave so it must have been fruitions.

More thoughts in last sit than for a while. But they weren't sticky. More of the coming and going like clouds type. All storylines equally unimportant, Also lots of energy movements in crown, third eye and chest. I recognized i went through different stages but no idea what was what.

Off cushion I'm pretty discontent have some anxiety and strong cravings to eat too much to relieve/distract myself from it. I think that some of the discomfort is a feeling in the stomach. That might be why those cravings arise.

Didn't sit yesterday. Had strong anxiety and felt like hiding inside all day, which I did, except for going to the store and buying chocolate ice-cream. Felt very vulnerable and sorry for myself. A good yogi would have sat down and noted it all, but it felt ok to not be a good yogi yesterday.

Today the internal turmoil have eased and I decided to sit for 30 min and a bit more if I felt like it. No pressure to have to sit the usual 1 h. Just sat without doing anything watching thoughts come and go, they where none sticky, towards the end my forehead became hard and thoughts had a hard time penetrating. got up at 35 min and had gained some confidence in the "good yogi character again"

Metta
Erik

Forced myself to go for a walk and although it was a beautiful day and beautiful surroundings there was this sense of dissatisfaction in the background all the time, pressure in chest and solar plexus. Just wanted to go home all the time and surf the internet, distraction.

Sat one 1 h first 18 min listening to chanting music then just sat and it became restful and easy to sit. Letting go more and more. Felt good afterwards put this background anxiety is still there. A feeling of being trapped with nowhere to run from the external situation of my life. Facing life is the greatest teacher. Can't continue running and hiding.

My bike is at the workshop so had to ride the bus to work. For some reason the witness comes so easy on buses. So nice to sit there and watch detachly.

Going home I put on my dear old friend Robert Adams Then ran some errands so more bus riding. Wow he's hitting hard today. Feel sooo detached and even a bit dysfunctional hard to type this, head is heavy and thoughts, even body are slowed down.

Feels like nothing matters. Or maybe to become nothing like Robert is all that matters? Maybe this will be Robert Adams lazy meditation week? Feels like it right now. Will play him all free time as long as his transmission is hitting and see what happens.

Today's Robert quote

"Real spirituality is not for everyone. Most people are not prepared to lose everything."

Spent the week slacking with formal practice, still sitting but far from 2h a day, listening a lot to Robert's satsangs. Felt good to escape into the detachment and witnessing generated from his beyondness as anxiety and dissatisfaction has been troubling me.

Spoke to an experienced yogi today who recommended that I dwell as the witness as much as possible and on the cushion inquirer "who is watching the witness?" with a curious mind. Did that and suddenly after sitting maybe 35min there was a release in the head and i felt more unity with experience than I've ever felt. Not perfect oneness but a very intimate effortless, subtly blissful relationship with reality. Opened my eyes after a while and a blending of the visual field happened that it was natural to rest in. This is the best I can describe it.

Good night with Metta
Erik

Sounds good, JYET!

Despite the nice feeling of detachment, the Witness is inherently dissatisfactory and it makes the attention contract in an unpleasant way. Because it is a fabricated mind state, there are always feelings of effort and stress present, however subtle.

Given a chance, the mind will choose release, non-fabrication and expansion of the attention anytime. Notice how nice it feels to drop the artificiality of the tight focus and rest in the uncontrived naturalness. This is the path of least resistance, so do not forget the looseness.