MuMuWu's Practice Journal

I am noticing a loop of tension/anxiety - > sadness/grief - > relief/happiness

this seems to be repeating as I note the mind-states / feel them in the body.

Just gave binary noting for self referencing a go. Can clearly see the tension involved with the attention moving into and behind the witness spot. Noting for just a short while results in longer and longer periods of non-self referencing. I felt great relief and cheer along with these periods.

Over the past couple of days negative emotions have lost a huge amount of their power. They are being seen almost exclusively as body sensations. I am feeling amazingly well today. Keeping my hand on the switch....

Sounds like your practice is really moving along, congrats!
Do you find that if your mindfulness slips emotions can get past you? Or are you on top of them at all times? Is it a matter of improving mindfulness?
Asking because I'm experiencing something which may be similar(probably at a much less subtle level) and find that my mindfulness can slip momentarily, allowing emotions to form. To deal with this I ask "who is experiencing..." which seems to cause the emotion to fade, however occasionally the emotion is very seductive and I let it run without noticing.
Thanks in advance for any response!

Definitely has been more of a problem in the past. For the past few days, if it gets beyond a certain point it is grounded (or it is grounded constantly - I'm not sure which is more true).

What seems to have made a huge difference is the period (and occasionally I am still doing this) of noting mind states while feeling the physical sensations in the body.

I'm noticing now that manipulating attention hurts. As such I'm trying to implement a "do nothing" approach - specifically whenever I notice the urge to manipulate attention I drop that intention. This practice comes via Shinzen Young



I am not keeping a pointer going (that would involve doing). Often I am not remembering to do this, however some part of me is occasionally remembering and it seems to be gaining steam.

I've found a reliable way to bring about EE's/PCEs in my experience. I started noting the sense doors (the 6 bases of consciousness) as the attention would move from one to the next. This resulted in an objectification of each of the sense doors as a whole. This made it clear how the movement of attention around within a single experience of consciousness was creating the experience of 6 separate bases of consciousness.

Next, I brought up the bases together, I later found it most useful to look at seeing, hearing and feeling together. As I brought them up together I could clearly see how the sense of self (being) was connected to the feelings in the body more so than in seeing or hearing.

Next, I would shift to the witness. When I did this the main change was that the sense of being would leave the feelings in the body and move up into the head and become associated with the witness point.

From here there were no longer any separate sense doors, just a sphere consciousness juxtaposed against a cluster of sensations which were being seen as separate from it and which had a sense of being overlaid on top of them.

I could see how it was the holding the two things as separate which was causing the sense of duality in the experience. I looked at the two together (being) and the sphere of consciousness (all the sense doors operating together) with an eye toward the fact that the witness sensations were part of the whole experience.

This would cause the sense of being to dissipate and the sense of separation to drop from the experience leaving me in either a high-grade ee or a pce.

I have repeated this a bunch of times over the weekend with a good rate of success.

This is based on my recent looking into dependent origination as well as Nick's instructions on using the arupha jhanas.

Was able to access a similar state yesterday.

The way in, was to first feel a sense of wonder / self. To do this I would feel expansion outward along with innocent happiness (I would often get an image of a large dull pink field superimposed with a smiling face). I would combine this feeling with the denser body / self which is situated below the image and feeling of expansion. I would then look at my senses and try to notice that it is all happening in my mind.

Something would click and I would feel as if I was driving around inside myself (I was reminded of being a child and driving a dinky across my leg. It felt as if the road I was driving on was like my leg). The duality was removed as it was in my last journal, however I could certainly feel tensions and such remaining in the body. When I looked at them, however, there was no sense of emotion tied to them.

Via Owen

"Attention

There's an old Zen story: a student said to Master Ichu, 'Please write for me something of great wisdom.'

Master Ichu picked up his brush and wrote one word: 'Attention.'
The student said, 'Is that all?'

The master wrote, 'Attention. Attention.'
The student became irritable. 'That doesn't seem profound or subtle to me.'

In response, Master Ichu wrote simply, 'Attention. Attention. Attention.'
In frustration, the student demanded, 'What does this word attention mean?'

Master Ichu replied, 'Attention means attention.'
Source: Charlotte Joko Beck. 1993. Nothing special: Living Zen. New York: HarperCollins. 168."

www.ling.upenn.edu/~beatrice/buddhist-practice/attention.html

A great video from Adyashanti where he talks about shifts in perception. "Shift of perception" seems like a good way to describe what's been going on for me lately.

Saw last night how although seeing everything as occuring in my mind removes some of the tension of duality, I am still maintaining the concept of "my mind" rather than just being with what is. This is a subtle hide-out for "me" and a platform from which to relaunch "myself."

So you know what to observe now, right?

lol.... maybe

Mainly doing direct mode type practices. Emotions seem to be ever dwindling (very little emotional re-activity) and are experienced as changes in the body. I am finding noting at the sense doors to be a very rewarding exercise (noting as the attention seems to move on it's own to emphasize a particular sense door). After a while the mind seems to lock on to the senses and they become less and less separate until at some point it seems to be a whole integrated experience.

I am also occasionally doing jhanas (especially enjoying going deeper into the first few jhanas with a big emphasis on the pleasantness of them).

This is probably the most relaxed and awake period in my whole life

"Mainly doing direct mode type practices. Emotions seem to be ever dwindling (very little emotional re-activity) and are experienced as changes in the body. I am finding noting at the sense doors to be a very rewarding exercise (noting as the attention seems to move on it's own to emphasize a particular sense door). After a while the mind seems to lock on to the senses and they become less and less separate until at some point it seems to be a whole integrated experience.

I am also occasionally doing jhanas (especially enjoying going deeper into the first few jhanas with a big emphasis on the pleasantness of them).

This is probably the most relaxed and awake period in my whole life "

Awesome. 'appreciation, gratitude'

Goodie!

Thank you very much for keeping things going at the virtual sangha meet tonight. Afraid i got jumped by some sneaky dukkha nanas.

jaysonbyrne: as a technique Kenneth is recommending staying with the sensations of being in the body and staying with the senses. But overall it's going great. I'm finding it hard to not be kind to myself (which is great)

jaysonbyrne: often indulging in things

Owen Becker: cool

jaysonbyrne: I ate a lot of chocolate cake and coffee this weekend

Owen Becker: good times

jaysonbyrne: but yeah - the theme would be one of seemingly slow but steady improvement overall leading to a more and more direct mode-ish experience more of the time

Owen Becker: any fear?

jaysonbyrne: it comes in waves. like I'll hit some threshold and then undergo a period of suffering
jaysonbyrne: reminds me of the dukkha nanas

Owen Becker: oh yeah
Owen Becker: fear of death?

jaysonbyrne: yeah - I would think so. if I let go to a certain point things get panicky. Then it takes a while to dissapate
jaysonbyrne: seems like a spiral

Owen Becker: can you be vulnerable to the sensations of panic in your body without needing them to go away?

jaysonbyrne: hmmm... good question

Owen Becker: that's when they transform

jaysonbyrne: well, I'll practice in that vein next time it comes around (I suspect sometime during the day today)

Owen Becker: can I offer one other thing?
Owen Becker: might help pop this thing

jaysonbyrne: yes, by all means

Owen Becker: so you have a feeling that you exist, right?

jaysonbyrne: yes
jaysonbyrne: I do
jaysonbyrne: well, in actuality it's just a feeling

Owen Becker: right

jaysonbyrne: the fact that it means I exist seems to be the case when I inquire in that way

Owen Becker: can you ground that feeling?

jaysonbyrne: well, I can merge with it such that it isn't juxtaposed against something else

Owen Becker: I mean, like when you were grounding emotions

jaysonbyrne: yes

Owen Becker: what happens when you do that for a few minutes?

jaysonbyrne: I can ground "I AM"
jaysonbyrne: well, instantly more panoramic/sensuous perception

Owen Becker: can you live that way?

jaysonbyrne: yes

Owen Becker: for the rest of you life?

jaysonbyrne: I would certainly like to

Owen Becker: well there you go then.

Owen Becker: that was what I was doing when I hit a wall of fear

jaysonbyrne: yes - I was making some good headwa. I began running into something similar - right before my clearest / most intense PCE so far

Owen Becker: right

jaysonbyrne: I felt like I was going to die and sort of just went with it. there was a blip.

Owen Becker: excellent

jaysonbyrne: like a downward movement in the head and then booyakasha

Owen Becker: did your sense of internal space change?
Owen Becker: like "oh ****, where did I go?"

jaysonbyrne: well yes, one becomes hollow in a sense
jaysonbyrne: or transparent

Owen Becker: right
Owen Becker: can't look inward anymore
Owen Becker: because you don't find anything

jaysonbyrne: well I was thinking about it last night
jaysonbyrne: there's the real world
jaysonbyrne: which my brain exists in
jaysonbyrne: but I and all my thoughts and obsessions
jaysonbyrne: is just imagination

Owen Becker: grin

jaysonbyrne: just thought inside the brain
jaysonbyrne: the moment I stop giving it momentum
jaysonbyrne: it stops
jaysonbyrne: and ceases to exist in any way at all

Owen Becker: can you notice yet how "your thoughts" arise in response to an "external" stimulus or a previous thought?

jaysonbyrne: yes
jaysonbyrne: or an internal movement

Owen Becker: so why do you think you only exist on one side of your skin?

jaysonbyrne: not sure

Owen Becker: do you have a thought about it?

jaysonbyrne: well in order to make sense of it I need to think about it

Owen Becker: just a sec
Owen Becker: don't think
Owen Becker: feel the confusion in your body
Owen Becker: you won't be able to own this with your mind anyway
Owen Becker: you don't get to understand it, you can only be it

jaysonbyrne: yes - I definitley feel the confusion

Owen Becker: can you surrender to it and look around?

jaysonbyrne: odd
jaysonbyrne: happiness

Owen Becker: exactly
Owen Becker: that's because you were awake
Owen Becker: and you can only be awake to what's happening NOW
Owen Becker: if that's confusion, fine. If it's fear, fine.
Owen Becker: it can be anything
Owen Becker: what matters is if you resist
Owen Becker: and if you stop resisting the fact that you are really not there, then you can get really happy
Owen Becker: anyway, it felt like I should pass that along
Owen Becker: so there ya go

jaysonbyrne: excellent
jaysonbyrne: I think if I bring up the question in that sort of way it makes sense

Owen Becker: yeah, at some point you have to surrender to the fact that you have a question rather than grasping for the next right answer

Thanks for sharing this exchange! It's got a lot packed in it for so few words! You seem aware of a very subtle level of sensation, something to aim for. Like I didn't have enough already!

yeah, really nice -- both content and the sharing itself

Thanks Mu and Owen!

Thanks guys!

jaysonbyrne: yes the picture is getting more simple
jaysonbyrne: previously I had been invisioning myself as awareness
jaysonbyrne: now I see that "I" am merely a feeling juxtaposed against something

Antero: I have noticed that 'I' is re-creating it's identity at every Stage in our practice

jaysonbyrne: yes
jaysonbyrne: indeed

Antero: If you can ground that experience, that will take you forward for sure
Antero: That has also happened for me recently, I am seeing 'being' as a physical phenomena and when I am that phenomena, it gets grounded and goes away for some time.
Antero: Now it has been gone for some days and have not returned so far in any of it's subtle forms

jaysonbyrne: yes
jaysonbyrne: I totally get that too
jaysonbyrne: it becomes obvious in the way it works
jaysonbyrne: because if I allow the sensations associated with the self to come into focus
jaysonbyrne: and feel them in the body
jaysonbyrne: instantly a particular dimension (the inner world) of experience seems to lose it's depth
jaysonbyrne: and the actual experience regains it's depth
jaysonbyrne: where as normally the actual world is somewhat flat
jaysonbyrne: and my inner world has depth

Antero: Nice way of putting it

KennethFolk: You are unique.
KennethFolk: It's OK not to align yourself with any of the camps.

The lack of emotional reaction in my life right now surprises me at times.

Here's a video I enjoyed today:
Ajahn Chah - Mindful Way