MuMuWu's Practice Journal

Went through a particularly deep experience of jhanas and very hard nanas until hitting equanimity which was bright and pleasant. Noticed rising energy. Thought of infinite space. Thought who is the knower of the space. Got a sense of the witness. Used it as an anchor. Noted rising energy and warmth. Experienced a blink/discontinuity sensation and wondered what it was. Started to feel a pleasant rush. Feel very energized after sitting.

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Hey Mumuwu,

I am a quite guilty of speculating about my practice and what I am experiencing. I think many of us are. I know Kenneth appreciates the bare bones reporting style without speculation about what it we are experiencing. You seem to be doing , at times, a bit speculating too. I reckon it will be more beneficial for you and for others if you try being very detailed in your descriptions of your practice as opposed to just speculating on what they are. Just bare bones reporting rather than saying it was this jhana or that jhana or fruition or what ever. It will help those who can try and diagnose better. I will also endeavor to report more like this myself.
Can you try and describe in more detail what you mean by a discontinuity? What exactly was happening before it and after it? ...with lots of details.

Nick,

Thanks for the solid advice. I am definitely doing a good bit of speculating. I will make a resolution to do this as you have suggested.

I was thinking in bed last night actually that I think I've got the labels on the dukkha nanas wrong. I am fairly certain that I am cycling through them, but I think I've gotten the dividing lines between what is what mixed up.

But anyhoo, I do find it hard to remember a lot of detail after some sits while others seem to be much clearer afterward.

In terms of the discontinuity, after I go through a cycle of suffering which has a repeating pattern to it, I enter into a calm open state. I recognize this as 4th Jhana because it is very much like the 4th Jhana that Kenneth worked with me on entering using a Kasina. I will try to give a more detailed description of this later. From what I recall I usually wind up doing witness type practice at some point which causes the mind to become more and more still, and I think brighter to some extent (but I am going on vague memory now). I become less and less aware of any self type activity as things become more uniform. At some point I experience what feels like a trip in a dream as you fall to sleep/a rapid narrowing/un-narrowing of my consciousness/a blip/etc. I can only describe it vaguely as it is somewhat new and difficult to describe. After this I get a bit of a rush (kind of like the dream fall as you are falling asleep and then suddenly wake up).

More practice is definitely needed. I am very much into going through these stages as much as possible and becoming more & more familiar with them.

Here at work noticing that dwelling with the witness as an object (2nd gear) is causing many of the same effects as dwelling with a visual object. (warmth, rising energy, random feelings of pressure, etc.)

Another meeting with Kenneth. I resolve to continue to do similar practice to what I am doing now, begin careful to be as descriptive as possible.

Sat for 30 minutes. Didn't seem to get past 3rd Nana. Sat with Kasina, noted rising warmth in body/tingling in various parts/obvious particle nature of vision while staring at Kasina. Closed eyes and began noting. Noticed that little was happening in regard to progress of insight. Deepening concentration, visual field got simpler, mental space calmer. Pretty constant sensation of energy/warmth until I caught myself lost in thought. Noted this, returned to noting sensations. After about 10 or 15 minutes Started to feel some uncomfortable sensations and some itching. Noted increasing sense of pressure/tension around the body and face. Was able to focus on lips and notice that they went from seemingly solid sensation to a sense of vibration which became bubbly. Tension/uncomfortable feelings associated with body, face (especially around the mouth/sinus area. Some increase in brightness/slackening of these feelings.

Session interrupted / end session.

Feel much less anxious than prior to sitting.

Also, after some discussion with Kenneth, we are fairly certain that I was indeed nodding off in high equanimity for a second. This is common.

3 Characteristics -
I was thinking about this stage. It makes a lot of sense. This is the point at which things really start breaking up into discrete phenomenon that last for only an instant (impermanence). It is also the point where things start to get uncomfortable/not nice (suffering). They are also being observed (they are objects) and hence not self. It makes a lot of sense that it is broken down like that.

Felt very solid/anxious this morning. Occasional momentary nausea. Working on dis-embedding now. I find the practice of just noting rising/falling while paying attention to what's going on now quite good.

"Also, after some discussion with Kenneth, we are fairly certain that I was indeed nodding off in high equanimity for a second. This is common."-Mumuwu

The nodding off is more likely in low equanimity than high. And, as I mentioned, there are various places where nodding off can occur, so the jury is out on where this is happening for you.

Sorry about that, I didn't mean to say high equanimity vs. low equanimity. I didn't realize these were technical terms or anything. I probably should have phrased it simply as equanimity.

Thanks for clearing that up Kenneth.

Reading this today at work. Amazing how much of it rings true and how it matches up with what I've been doing/seeing.

www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.118.than.html
Anapanasati Sutta: Mindfulness of Breathing

Something New!

Just sat for about a half hour. Sitting with the rising and falling of the breath noting sensations on the pauses between breaths. Noticed gradual calming of the mind, rising sense of exhilaration, rising pleasure. Notice vibrations in and around the body. Notice unpleasant sensations, itches, pin pricks, moving pressures, this lasts a good while. Eventually notice rising joy,light and warmth, this peaks at some point, is followed by a lighter state with tv snow like pinpoint sensations around the body. Wider static than usual. I believe I dip back down into warmth/pleasure/tingling, then notice cool sensations on skin, return of tv snow like sensations, eventually start to feel slightly anxious, notice various pains around the body, notice rising tension in face, itches, twitches in face, sensations get more intense. Pressure sensations more pronounced in back and face, this gets very intense and is then accompanied by a sense of anguish followed by a lessening of the intense feelings accompanied by a twinge of sadness, things ease up for a moment, then I feel the pains/tension returning to face, more intense the second time, next stage much more intense, very uncomfortable, followed by a big sense of anguish and desire for this to end, eases up, repeats, not as bad, repeats, not too bad at all, seems to begin again but peters out. At ease, attention quite wide, notice background sounds. Feel pretty good, think it's a bit darker and uniform for a moment. Notice sudden brightness and extremely fast pounding heart, feel like I've just been running, surprised by heart beat being this fast, a bit worried for a moment. Notice rising light, feels somewhat like early stages of meditation. Bright light, tingling in face, warmth, rising energy, feel coolness on skin, feel warmth rising again, feel tingling in lips, heart still somewhat fast, sit interrupted.

20 minutes since sitting. Still feel a bit weird, lots of energy moving around, feel quite nice.

Hours later and the energy is still there. Sat for 10 minutes. After counting a few breaths tried Jhana jumping, was able to go through four jhanas by thinking of them and jump from 4th to 2nd (still, calm, warm, pleasant, bright to vibrations, warmth, brightness, rising energy, some pressure in face, tingling in lips) and 3rd (spaced out static, calm prickly but not painful sensations on skin) to first (rising energy, exhilaration, similar to second but less intense, more exhilaration, vibrations/tingling/snowiness not as prevalent). It took a few moments for each to manifest after trying to recall it.

I then decided to just sit with rising and falling of abdomen, noticed I went through A&P (like 2nd jhana above) fairly quickly, then dissolution (like 3rd above) then some subtle discomfort (tingling, prickly sensations, slightpressure in face and head - no discernible dukkha nanas this time per se) and then the focus seemed to widen out and things brightened up - (like 4th above - wide attention, pleasant, warm, energy, sense of stillness) noticed some rising energy/joy with some visual stuff going on (new hard to remember) eventually then tingling and coolness (2nd and 3rd again??) then back to pleasant bright state (like 4th). Played around with formless Jhanas. Imagined infinite space and concentrated on the sensation. Seemed like something visually shifted (sensation of looking at some undefinable space (somewhat bright - consistent with 4th) - can't tell size - vs what you normally see when closing the eyes) asked who is the knower of this. Focus shifted, sensation of building energy/slight pressure. Let go of this then didn't seem to be focusing on anything in particular, very peaceful and bright and warm. Stayed with this for a while.

Also seemed to be able to call these things up as I was reviewing what I wrote to verify them.

"Also seemed to be able to call these things up as I was reviewing what I wrote to verify them."

Nice reporting style. Now I can see stuff I can relate too. Keep up the good work, mumuwu!!!!

Thanks Nick. I am writing very free flow after the sitting and then editing it to put in proper punctuation and things like that.

Another note on how I am feeling today - pretty good vs last couple of mornings (less embedded, more aware of arising of sensations, not very anxious).
I have a long weekend so I am looking forward to starting in with some more practice (longer sittings) beginning tomorrow.

sounding all good mumuwu!

Just had a bath (helps with computer shoulders) and while in there I did some breath counting. As concentration developed felt pressure around the face, brightness in visual field, breaking up of phenomenon into buzzing static (subtle but tv-snow like), feeling of rising energy, this increased with breath counting. Started paying attention to specific sensations. Felt cool sensations on skin (hot bath, so a bit weird, mainly on parts not in water) and spacing out of the tv-snow like phenomenon, now accompanied by not unpleasant pinprick like sensations on the skin. Felt the focus widen out. Focus on the visual field, feel some rising energy. Think about infinite space, experience same shift as previously, but less intensely (shallow concentration perhaps?) asked who is the knower of this. Shift in focus, feel concentration start to deepen (feeling of raptures on skin). Ask what is the content of this knowing, shift again. Nothing specifically in focus. Stayed with this for a brief time, then shift focus back to previous state, then envision infinite space, shift in focus, then relax, allow attention to do it's thing, eventual shift in focus. Eventually allow coolness to come to fore, accompanied by the spaced out pinprickly like sensations, then allow energy/warmth/excitment/etc. to return. Open my eyes at this point , focus on ring around faucet as if starting kasina practice (hard focus) energy drops, still feel joy/some energy/warmth. End session.

Consistent with last night's practice. Concentration shallower so a little less intense. Also attempted to see if I could access a dukkha nana by thinking about it, felt feeling of pressure in face/slight urge to gag develop.

Very much interested in trying this stuff out more. Meditation definitely taking on a different pattern. No time spent on rapid noting,etc. to try and get past mind and body and get the A&P type stuff happening.

Interested to see if this lasts.

Quick update:

Having a lot of fun off the cushion. Seems like once I develop enough concentration I have no problem either accessing a particular jhana or just letting them cycle. Have had some really fun car rides and family time. Wonderful!

As concentration develops, rising energy/warmth/joy/tingling around body (especially around the face and mouth) deepens. Eventually this will shift to a more spaced out tingling accompanied by coolness which transitions to a wide open/ still/ bright/ state. If I leave it alone (as apposed to playing with formless jhanas) it will eventually transition into a deeper version of the first state I described and the cycle repeats.

Just spent some time in front of a window looking out on a field and some trees. I had just been out playing ball with my dog, and while doing this I worked on my concentration by noting my feet for some time, then counting breaths, then when it had gotten fairly deep I noted sensations in my body with wide attention. I noticed that I seemed to be cycling and was paying attention to how wide my focus of attention was. Often I could hear many birds in the distance while I was also fully aware of my ball game.

Anyhow, I had a fair bit of concentration and had some noting going while I sat. So I'm sitting at the window and noting the rising and falling of the abdomen. I notice some pressure around the chest and neck and begin noting it. I am also feeling some warmth, pressure, tingling, pleasure that I associate with being concentrated. As I note the pressure sensations they move and become more prevalent around my mouth. As I note these (pressure, pressure pressure) there seems to be a fixed rate at which I can note which feels like a pulsing. I am noting this pulsing and then it speeds up and I am able to note faster along with it and then it feels like my lips are vibrating at a fast rate and then they are eventually bubbling, I then notice this sensation spreading and I am beginning to be more aware of similar sensations around the body. The visual becomes more prevalent as well and I notice that my gaze is fairly diffuse. I notice that I begin to feel a lot more chilled out, there are cool sensations and the vibrating/pinpoints have spread out considerably. This settles out quite a bit and it feels very nice as it does and then my attention seems very wide. I am aware of a lot of sounds, sensations, stuff outside the window. I feel concentration develop again and I am once more aware of some pressure around the body, although it seems more spread out, a similar cycle repeats and then I sit with the open attention for a while.

Had a great few days, but been busy with family stuff and a bachelor party. Definitely feeling a lot better in such situations these days.

Just sat for 15 minutes. Seem to be going through cycle of a&p/dissolution/equanimity building/(not sure if going back down through dissolution or straight to a&p) a&p/dissolution equanimity (each stronger second time). (sorry for lack of detail it has been a while since this sitting. This stage is very similar to many of my past reports)

On the second round, the equanimity stage started off as bright and calm and eventually transitioned to a dark spacious, more concentrated state, this happened on it's own after noting whatever I could. This state eventually transitioned into a more concentrated state where it felt like I let go of the sense of space and was more concentrated. Then it felt like I lost that point of focus and while still concentrated wasn't holding anything (I take what I let go of to be the witness). Eventually the sense of focusing on nothing went away as well, hard to describe. I stayed with this state and the timer I had sent went off. I then went for a walk. These states seemed like the formless Jhanas which I have been exploring (kenneth walked me through the transition to infinite space, and I have been exploring the others). These seemed like deeper versions of those, I guess because I was just transitioning into them rather than bringing them about intentionally as before.

While walking I was able to get a sense of wide open attention, feel the space in it, transition to the knower of the space. Then I feel a deepening concentration, am aware of many things going on at once but disconnected from it. Eventually the sense of witness I was holding onto went away leaving a pristine state where everything seemed to be flowing. Very nice, very clean, nothing odd or euphoric, just very clean, crisp, de-clutched type state.

smooooth!

Just sat with this again. It's really neat having a particular thing you are resolving to flush out.

Anyway, I seemed to go through the typical cycle up to equanimity, then through what I am thinking is formless Jhanas (just as described above). After I stayed at the peak of that for a while, notice a very clear, but fast descent back down to A&P. Certain sensations would come to the fore and the focus would shift as I went back down. It happened quick, but not too quick that you couldn't notice certain characteristics of most levels as I went back down through them.

I think I was sort of missing this as I hadn't been doing a lot of noting i equanimity. I would notice a bunch of stuff going on and then clear A&P type sensations that built up again to E.

Think I really need to do some longer formal sits with a lot of noting to bring some more resolution to where I'm at now.

Neat.

A couple of notes:

1. If I follow the instructions of the Satipatthana Sutta quite literally, simply being aware of the fact that I am breathing in and out (but not at a particular point) and then at the same time bring awareness to the whole body and then relax the body and mind while breathing, I find the breath to feel much nicer and it doesn't feel localized to a particular part of the body. The mind gets very relaxed and happy and calm. At this point, any grasping results in a tension that is palpable and then further relaxing can be done. I hope to play with this a bit more.

2. I am finding that while walking and keeping a broad attention, thinking about the fact that there is the eye, the object, and seeing, the ear, the sound, and hearing, etc... it really helps bring about a still calm mind that is very aware and not disturbed too much by distracted/bored/craving thoughts.

"And how, bhikkhus, does a bhikkhu abide contemplating the body as body? Here a bhikkhu, gone to the forest or to the root of a tree or to an empty hut, sits down; having folded his legs crosswise, sets his body erect, and established mindfulness in front of him, ever mindful he breathes in, mindful he breathes out. Breathing in long, he understands: '˜I breathe in long'; or breathing out long, he understands: ' I breathe out long.' Breathing in short, he understands: ' I breathe in short' ; breathing out short, he understands: '˜I breathe out short.' He trains thus: '˜I shall breathe in experiencing the whole body (of breath).' He trains thus: '˜I shall breathe out experiencing the whole body (of breathe).' He trains thus: '˜I shall breathe in tranquillising the bodily formation'; he trains thus: '˜I shall breathe out tranquillising the bodily formation.'

Sat, fairly clear on the strata up to 7th, think I've got 8th down. But anyways, sitting in what I think is 8th (very indistinct, hard to get a grip on what's happening, almost like sometimes I think I'm perceiving something but other times not although I am awake - very hard to describe unlike what precedes it which has a clear sense of focus on the lack of something to focus on) for a while then notice a brightening of the visual field, some speeding up of the heart, rising warmth.

Try and do a more notated sit later tonight. See if that happens again.

Also I realize the lack of detail in this post. See previous posts for the descriptions. I will also note anything new I notice or if I have a particularly clear experience of the various strata.