MuMuWu's Practice Journal

Another walking / noting session.

This is so revealing! Wow.

Anyways lots of desiring, aversion, grasping, longing, anger, impatience, anxiety, fear, etc.

Seems to be that once I get around to the anxiety I eventually start to note sadness, dispair, things like that.

From there happiness seems to come in and things start to open up. It feels like the anxiety I am feeling is some sort of cover for the sadness that underlies it.

Saw a girl walking her dog. Lots of material there to go into. Attraction, desire, embarrassment, etc. Can't believe that much grasping/wanting to possess and things like that can actually be there (especially in relation to another person). Also, not that I'm complaining, but girls are wearing some short shorts these days.

And these mind-states aren't all in my face, they are pretty subtle (except for anxiety, joy, and some of the others).

This technique seems to have so much potential. I'm actually sitting with anxiety but it seems to be all bark right now (no bite).

"A quote I liked today:

"Because this root is where even this feelings and thoughts ultimately arise from, this is where we need to entrust them. However, hearing this, people often begin to think that the body and the feelings and thoughts it gives rise to are something to be despised. Daehaeng Kun Sunim cautions people about this view, saying:

There has to be a physical body in order to know the Buddha-dharma. You need to be aware that throwing away your body is not the way to know the Buddha-dharma. To think that the flesh is worthless and must be thrown away because it's only a temporary combination is an extremely misguided idea. Without the body, you cannot develop, cannot broaden your wisdom, and cannot become a Buddha. Because the son exists, you can know the father; through the existence of the servant, you can come to know the master. By understanding visible phenomena, you can understand the invisible essence, the non-material foundation that gives rise to and animates all visible phenomena, and which always works together as one with all things.(p. 14)""

Nice one!

"Saw a girl walking her dog. Lots of material there to go into. Attraction, desire, embarrassment, etc. Can't believe that much grasping/wanting to possess and things like that can actually be there (especially in relation to another person). Also, not that I'm complaining, but girls are wearing some short shorts these days."

Recognisable! One of the things that keeps surprising me is to notice the many reactions (thoughts, body sensations) that appear in that short moment you see someone (usually a stranger). Looking back, before practicing mindfulness a lot of these reactions were things I used to automatically/unconsciously reject. Now I've come to see I simply have little control over them. I can only decide what to do with them: cling/reject or just notice and let pass ...

It's weird how they are layered and automatic. So you can have a lot of stuff going on without even realizing it. I think tuning this out leads us to demonize others for things we do ourselves.

Learning to accept this and then deal with it skillfully is the way forward (rather than to deny it or push it away)

Exactly, but it sure takes patience.

"Half of my practice was a 45 minute twice daily walking commute, noting everything that came up in my awareness. I am convinced that's why I moved through the paths as fast as I did.
"

Mumuwu and Owen!
Thanks for your writing on walking.
I found that highly inspirational!!
I rarely have the opportunity to walk alone (i.e. without someonwe talking to me) except for the morning rush to the train
So I try to note as best I can anyways...

Meekan, walking is the bomb!

I often find if I am restless it is the perfect antidote. The last few times I did noting of mindstates while I walked. I have also done witness meditation (perfect setting for this), as well as breath counting, foot following, etc.

It's just a really good mode to work in and it is a perfect activity to do before a sit (in which case I would probably do breath counting). It's also a good activity to do between two sittings (sit for 45 minutes, walk for 20 minutes, sit for 45, that sort of thing).

Anyhow, glad something in this journal inspired you.

Kenneth has some stuff about walking meditation on the site. Make sure to check that out.

Have a good weekend meekan!

Yeah I usually follow feet, follow breath, or both at the same time (as "in in in in out out out out" á la Nhat Hanh) and sometimes I try to get some noting or bystander in there
But I easily get distracted when spoken to.
And forget to note "distracted distracted" á la mahasi/pandita.

You have a great one as well!

So are you noting in for the parts of the step while breath in and out while breathing out.

So lifting while breathing in is "in"
Stepping while breathing in is "in", etc?

Sounds nifty.

Normally I don't divide my walking into lift-push-put (or up-forward-down or any other permutation of the three division-noting) if I am walking a little faster.
I do that sometimes when alone.
But the style I do most often, not alone, is for every step while I am breathing in, "in" and vice versa.
One can count every in-step "one, two, three" then every outbreath-step "one, two, three", etc...
There are so many ways of walking mindfully

Neat. Thanks for clearing that up.

"Noting is the best

"

Hi MuMuWu,

Although I've only begun to post recently, I've been following your posts for a while, and I congratulate you on your determination & your progress!

So, when did you start noting? Did you find it pretty awkward at first? I'm curious because I'm finding it to be forced, which I'm sure is normal at first. I know it's a skill to be cultivated like any other. Practice builds muscle!

Now that you've been doing it a while, does it seem to be automatic?

Thanks,

Tina

Tina I still struggle with it... but it is getting easier.

I started noting using mahasi style about 3 months ago. Prior to that I had been just noting rising and falling for a good while.

But yes it's awkward at first. But what isn't awkward for me is the general tendency to SEE more of my experience in general. Even when I'm not noting there are things that I am paying attention to that I wouldn't have been paying attention to before.

But if I sit to note, and get it going for a few minutes, it is far less of a struggle. Since I started noting out loud and noticing when I am blanking out or struggling to note I have really gotten better at having it go smoothly. Most of my blanking out was embeddedness in mind states. Noting on the level of mind states has been a big breakthrough for me.

I think the key to breaking through the awkwardness is noting the awkwardness. Also developing a vocabulary that you don't have to think about and can apply very quickly and effortlessly is just a function of time.

You are doing great Tina. Very inspiring posts on here as well as on some of the buddhist geeks podcasts.

"A villager had a dream in which he was told to offer his next calf to Ramanasramam. He brought his cow and the calf to Bhagavan. The jungle around the Ashram was thick at that time and there were cheetahs. The Ashram people were perplexed and refused the offer, but the villager was taking his dream seriously and would not take the calf away. The mother cow had to remain with the calf to feed her. Finally, the cow and the calf were entrusted to a devotee in the town. The calf became the famous cow Lakshmi. She grew up and had three calves within a few years. She would come daily to the Ashram to have her meals, graze on the Ashram land, enter the Hall and sit contentedly near Bhagavan. In the evening, she would go back to the town as other women did.

Once Lakshmi came into the Hall. She was pregnant at that time. It was after lunch time when Bhagavan was reading the newspapers. Lakshmi came near and started licking the papers. Bhagavan looked up and said: "Wait a little, Lakshmi." But Lakshmi went on licking. Bhagavan laid his paper aside, put his hands behind Lakshmi's horns and his head against hers. Like this they stayed for quite a long time. I stood nearby looking at the wonderful scene. After some ten minutes or so, Bhagavan turned to me and said: "Do you know what Lakshmi is doing? She is in Samadhi."

I looked at her and tears were flowing in streams down her broad cheeks. Her breathing had stopped and her eyes were fixed on Bhagavan. After some time Bhagavan changed his position and asked: "Lakshmi, how do you feel now?" Lakshmi moved backward, as if reluctant to turn her tail towards Bhagavan, walked round the Hall and went out.

Shantammal, Eternal Bhagavan"

This is beautiful Mu, thanks for sharing! Where's it from?

Also, you may have seen this on Facebook already, but for any who haven't, I figured it matches the theme pretty well:
www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=42233912302

Ian I stumbled across it a couple of years ago.

www.omshaantih.com/Ramana/Animals.htm

I saw that dog thing a while back as well. Made me weep (I had just gotten a dog at the time).

Does a dog have buddha nature?
MU!!!!

Nice!

Hadn't realized that was Ramana Maharshi, with the cow.

feel somewhat restless today.

Otherwise feeling ok.

Things after 8th Jhana becoming more interesting > very positive feelings

back to it I guess.

P.S.
Sad to see Augustleo's commentary leaving. Found it very enjoyable. Also sad to see his site go... I surrender!

Another animal thing. This time from the Dalai Lama...

www.hsi.org/assets/images/special_projec...lama_letter_2010.jpg

Had to quit a certain substance for my work. Been wanting to do this for a while. Excited to have dreams again and feeling quite positive today, although somewhat anxious (but there's a very peaceful/happy/excited space around the anxiety).

Hadn't really mentioned it before, but I figure my meditation should improve as a result.

Good luck Mu!

Thanks Ian. Not really noticing much negative today.

Just did 15 minutes candle Kasina.

Noticed that I felt very warm fairly quickly along with some moisture on the skin. Initially some aversion to sitting and had to keep bringing the attention back to the candle. Eventually staying with it was effortless and the mind was very silent. Attention seemed to expand to include the candle holder and some other nearby things (circle of attention widened). Eventually noticed that my visual field, other than the candle, began to darken).

Feel very peaceful afterwards. Mind very quiet and settled.

Nice. Will try to sit with this for longer.

Sounds nice!
Wishing you the best, mu!

Go mumu go!

Great reports Mu, very detailed and inspirational.