Nadav's practice notes, part II

Day 2. About 14 minutes working on breath retention. Started around 30 seconds then up to 40 quickly, then 50... got to 60 seconds several times by the end.
Started getting A&P phenomena half way through... eyelids fluttering, vibrations and pulses in the body. Warmth in the 3rd eye and elsewhere. Stillness while holding the breath.

Day 3. Maxed out at 50 seconds today, but did it for 20 minutes instead of 15.

Day 4. Did the 9 breaths of purification & followed along with the tsa lung video today.

Felt very clear and present yesterday. Senses direct and immediate. Had some trouble sleeping.

Tsa lung yesterday and this morning.

9 breaths then tsa lung, working on longer retention. Did some breath retention afterwards, got to 60-80 seconds a few times.

9 breaths and tsa lung yesterday.

Same today. Some rising excitement while doing the tsa lung movements and some dissolution-y bliss waves while resting.
Afterwards worked the pelvic muscles a bit.

Tried Loco's core tummo instructions, 3 times for around 70 seconds each (had to re-inhale towards the end). Intense shaking started while exhaling the first time, lasted for 10-20 seconds. Shaking again but not as strong after the 2nd one then warmth.

Think I'm going to suspend the tummo stuff for now. The effort doesn't feel right at the moment and neither does the primal reckless energy it seems to generate (I've only gotten a small taste of it from these practices, but I'm familiar with that kind of energy from previous points in my practice). It took me away from being mindful throughout the day somehow, and I'm much much more likely to be content in any given moment if I'm mindful. And it gave me headaches. I'm not looking to become superhuman or to melt snow, anyway. I'm interested in energy work mainly out of curiosity, because it's not something I'd naturally be into or even believe in. Around 2nd path I had a "oh ****, chakras are real" moment so I'm curious to see what other stuff I can experience that I wouldn't believe in otherwise

I had been doing some Robert Bruce energy stuff so I think I'll continue with that and spinal breathing when I feel like it. Glad to have added tsa lung to my toolbox too.

I'm feeling very open and vulnerable right now, in a good way. A friend gave me a suggestion a few weeks ago to tune into the silence behind thoughts, the spaciousness of the mind, or the stillness of the body. Coincidentally Tenzin Wangyal talks about it in "Awakening the Sacred Body" which I picked up for tsa lung. A few different practices/approaches seem to be merging right now, and there's some synchronicity outside of 'practice' too.
I'm a little aloof socially, slightly more quiet and more impatient internally with people's ******** and ego trips.

It's interesting your reaction to the tummo, Nadav. I went through something similar a month ago when I started doing more energy-raising work in my qi gong class. I found myself being very active, impatient and quick during the day, with a lot of restlessness. I found it slightly annoying. I talked to several people about it, including my teacher, and the conclusion I came to from their input and my gut was that my resistance to that energy was the thing to pay attention to. After all, that kind of energy is as much a part of the universe as dull sleepiness or quiet clarity or whatever. I found that a shift in my attitude to a sense of playfulness with the energy led to the resistance dropping, and that has remained true. That said, I find I have a fairly low interest in qi gong lately, but I'm doing it anyway because I figure it's probably good for me and why not take the opportunity while it's available and I have the time to do it.

Not saying this to imply you should continue with tummo - just resonated with your comments about the increased impatience and restlessness.

In general (especially at later stages of practice like yours) going with the gut is a good guide. Cheers, Ona

That is interesting! Your idea to approach it with a sense of playfulness makes sense.

Think I may resume my experiment now. I found that I could get to 80-90 seconds of breath retention (with re-inhaling) this morning so I did 20-30 minutes of tummo stuff. I think it's easier sitting right now. In the middle I wanted some movement so I did a couple of the tsa lung exercises.

Did tummo a couple of times this week.

Today I did some of the tsa lung exercises first. Within 1 or 2 runs through the tummo exercise, I was able to hold the breath for 90 seconds. After that I got to 2 minutes twice (haven't done that before). Then just did one more 90 second hold.

Oh hey, it's my 1 year anniversary of 4th path. I'm so grateful for this place. Thank you!

"Oh hey, it's my 1 year anniversary of 4th path. I'm so grateful for this place. Thank you!"

Congrats Nadav!

Anyway. This is one of those "did anything really change?" or "could it ever have been different?" kinds of things. There was some emotional/energetic/dark night turbulance for a couple of days. The same kind of stuff that we ground with direct mode, so that's what I did. Really this just means returning to the body, to the actual sensations of this moment. It's funny that when these somewhat unpleasant sensations came up, a part of me rejoiced, knowing that these episodes often precede progress. I haven't been noticing any nanas, cycling or random fruitions for some time. A couple of weeks ago I recognized that the sense of the body is really the entire field of experience. There's no no-body to be felt. Within the felt sense, there is nothing but "the body" which is boundless.

I think I've written before about being "trapped" in the present. It's obvious that the passage of time is a function of thinking/memory. It becomes more apparent when there's something to look forward to and I'm counting down the days. A month has passed but really no time at all.

So there's no one here. Duh. I really don't know what's going to happen at any moment. It's like an endless free fall into the abyss.

*EDIT*: Fixed some typos.

From yesterday:

I'm sitting on an airplane right now so this could end up being a long entry.

There's been an interesting deepening process that snuck up over the past 2 weeks. It's a gradual one and more of a refinement than a shift. Deepening is the best word I can find. The caterpillar has turned into a butterfly and flown away. Basically it's emptiness, I think. The insubstantiality of experience, the dream-like presence of everything, and the utter lack of a person here to lean all of it on.

I became curious about Actual Freedom some days ago and looked for a page on method / practical instruction on their website. As always their horrible web design turned me away quickly, but I did use "how am I experiencing this moment of being alive?" for a few days. I read some Jean Klein recently, which I had sitting by my bed for a while. It was only OK when I read it months ago, but it was just what I needed this time. I've been thinking about how different things resonate and appeal to us at different points for so many reasons. Have been enjoying some energy practices; a brief experiment with Tummo, and some pranayama / spinal breathing.

"It's obvious that the passage of time is a function of thinking/memory.:

Agreed! And it's obvious that the only purpose the sense of time serves is to allow the mind to compare things temporally. Otherwise there is no time. Each moment is an isolated, stand alone, all-by-itself occurrence. It is only the connectedness of the sense of time that causes the sense of flow and of cause and effect.

So, yeah. Inside and outside are unified. There's no distinction. The sensations of the body float lightly in the middle of a boundless field. There's a significant decrease in agency / self-in-charge which brings an ease of being. Bahiya Sutta makes a lot of sense right now.

It seems that this latest shift has made energy practices much more powerful. Same goes for cultivating the bramhaviharas with essence/mahamudra noting. The effects are felt instantly most of the time. Could just be part of the honeymoon.

"I think I've written before about being "trapped" in the present."

When we were at the BG after party thingy I think I mentioned to you some lament I had about this process. I think the above was the sense I was trying to get across.

Very cool and inspiring to see your progress Nadav.

Hey John, thanks.

I've been noticing more of the obsession and grasping around this "shift", wanting to verify and be sure if there was a shift or not, to fit my experience into the conceptual framework of Kenneth's model and all the expectations surrounding that, my identity as "enlightened" and so on. So, to whoever is marking these posts as not valuable, I hear you.

Justin, I think I remember. It comes down to a deep fear and resistance of letting go of the self and the illusion of control, I think. That's what I was getting it with comparing it to a free fall earlier.