Bill H Practice Log

continuing two 55 min sessions a day, although I think yesterday the second one got cut 15 minutes short - I guess last time I posted was a high point, everything has been more difficult since, have been sitting mostly in re-ob again. Starting to ramp up off-cushion noting.

Not sure why I havent been posting..
Still doing two 55 sits a day weekdays (two of them the last week were cut short due to excessive tiredness I think to 40 min), weekend days I did either a 30/60 pair or just a 55 - practice is still essence noting for some time then shifting to choiceless out-loud noting. The essence noting for some reason gets me up to DN territory very quickly, say 10 minutes or so, and I spend most of the time up there, seeing unpleasant states, and sometimes poking up above that - what I am finding out is that I really have to note every single aversion and resistance, gross and subtle, over and over to open up at all - its very easy to have fear, aversive thinking yet still have an unspoken subtle pushing-away or 'life shouldn't have this' aversion that gets missed. Been working on catching them all...

Sits have really changed in the last two weeks, been noticing a marked increase in feeling more and more OK with the totality of sensations in the head, more space with all the stuff coming up...perhaps a bit more time in clear, open space but not much. Noticing feeling much more 'collectedness' and unified in the sits, and having more 'stuff' come up on and off cushion that still needs to be seen clearly, apparently. Seems like good progress to me, more OKness with difficulty in my experience, but I think there is a long way to go yet which is fine.