Marc's practice notes

[b:8e0p93t9]Dec 4 2012, 8:11 AM EST[/b:8e0p93t9]

Still sitting regularly, at least 90 minutes a day. I noticed that my evening sits started to feel a bit useless, because the main reason to sit at night seemed to be to meet my 90 minutes quotum. I told this to Ron and we decided it would be best to just sit in the morning. So now I try to have a 90 minute sit each morning. In most of my sits I get to a pleasant and accepting state, but it doesn't go very deep anymore. At times I feel a bit discouraged about my practice, it's difficult to stay motivated..

[b:28u7jci9]Dec 6 2012, 12:15 PM EST[/b:28u7jci9]

This morning I had a 60 minute sit, because I didn't have enough time for a longet sit. Started with shamatha (about 20 minutes), then noting aloud. Noticed a lot of anxiety and worries for a while, not sure what happened after that, but at a certain point my mind became more still. I just sat, and nothing much happened for a while. Some vibrations, but not very intense, some mild anticipation, buy mostly just a sense of okay-ness. Whenever I noticed striving, wanting, hoping or manipulating, I tried to let go.

I'm trying to pay more attention to mental phenomena the last couple of days, because it felt like the focus in noting was on body sensations, which can feel a bit automatic. It seems to make meditating more interesting when I am more attentive to thoughts and emotions.

[b:aeot0kna]Dec 7 2012, 4:12 AM EST[/b:aeot0kna]

Just sat for 90 minutes (20 minutes shamatha, 70 minutes noting, first aloud, then silently). The last 50 minutes or so there was an increasing sense of calm and acceptance, and gradually I noticed more vibrations. A few times there was an urge to steer the experience in a certain direction, or to look for sensations that I associate with high equanimity. For example, the familiar pressure between my eyebrows showed up again, and I 'wanted' it to vibrate (which did happen eventually). Towards the end of the sit I spaced out a little bit.

[b:2gv9w4gq]Dec 8 2012, 11:27 AM EST[/b:2gv9w4gq]

This morning I had a 60 minute sit, and I just sat for 70 minutes (10 minutes shamatha, the rest of the sit noting, mostly aloud).
I felt pretty concentrated, not much distraction from my breath, and just before I switched to noting, there were a few pleasant tingling waves through my body. Then I noticed coldness and chills, followed by some worrying thoughts, anxiety and tension in my stomach. After that I noted regrets, some sadness, annoyance, anger, judging thoughts. My body felt a bit restless and I wanted to get up. After a while the restlessness disappeared and my mind became more still. I noted wonder, acceptance, thoughts about practice, a bit of impatience. Gradually the sensations on my skin started to vibrate, and I noticed that I was looking for more vibrations and trying to enhance them. I let go of this and the vibrations increased. There was some anticipation and thoughts about what to do. I just tried to observe and note it all. Then there some very fast mental images of and thoughts about 'myself', related to how I see myself and insecurity about how other people see me. Then there was some tension between my eyebrows, which became a bit vibratory. The meditation bell rang and I stayed on the cushion for 10 more minutes.

[b:j08h60ec]Aquanin
Dec 8 2012, 12:22 PM EST[/b:j08h60ec]

Sounds good Marc, keep it up!

[b:mmacigts]Dec 10 2012, 3:47 PM EST[/b:mmacigts]

Yesterday I had one 90 minute sit. Today two 60 minute sits. In the last sit I started with mahamudra noting (hadn't done that for months), which was pretty nice. It ended with what seemed like A&P vibrations, and when I oontinued regular noting (still aloud) I went trough the dukkha nanas, and ended up with periods with a lot of vibrations and periods of boredom/spacing out. The vibrations didn't increase, but seemed to come and go. I'm feeling pretty buzzy now.

[b:b4vninzy]Dec 11 2012, 2:05 AM EST[/b:b4vninzy]

This morning I meditated for 60 minutes (15 minutes shamatha, 45 minutes noting). About 30 minutes after I sat down, it seemed like my attention zoome out, and a few minutes later everything started to vibrate. I noted a lot of thoughts about my practice, about stream entry, wondering what I should do, etc. I tried letting go and surrendering to the moment, but that was a challenge. I did really enjoy it though.

From here until the transition to the new forum my posts weren't backed up... So I'll continue with the 'old new forum'.

[b:1xt5bl9e]January 25, 2013 at 1:03 pm[/b:1xt5bl9e]

Okay, new forum, new start!

I’m still in lower equanimity territory, sitting a bit less since a few days (about one hour a day). I’m very busy with school, but in four days I’ll have more time available, because then I’ve hopefully finished my studies.

I guess I’ll make a real update in a couple of days.

[b:30g0dsm0]January 30, 2013 at 12:41 pm [/b:30g0dsm0]

I just sat for 70 minutes, spending the last 30+ minutes or so in mid equanimity. A lot of vibrations, fascination and my mind felt very concentrated.

[b:2h1p9q2i]February 7, 2013 at 4:10 pm[/b:2h1p9q2i]

Last week I finally finished my master’s degree, and in the weeks before that my practice was a bit less consistent than before. After finishing all of my school stuff, I didn’t really feel like sitting lots of hours, but since last monday I’ve been meditating pretty much (monday 3 hours, tuesday and wednesday each 3 hours and 25 minutes, and today 2 hours and 15 minutes). In all of these sits I clearly went up to equanimity, but in just a few it seemed to go deeper. I noticed a lot of evaluation thoughts and doubts about my practice, which in some sits got a bit in the way, because I didn’t really succeed in disembedding from these thought. On tueasday, wednesday and today I managed to include all these thoughts in my attention, and just note them like everything else. I one sit at a certain point my attention started to widen, and the vibrations got very subtle and clear. At the same time there was also a lot of anticipation and excitement (that’s pretty familiar!), and it faded away again.

I’m really trying to just let it ripen. There are moments where I have faith in this process to unfold on itself, but more often I’m very doubtful, and wondering why it’s not going faster and what I should be doing differently.

[b:o3mef1st]Aquanin
February 7, 2013 at 4:21 pm[/b:o3mef1st]

Congrats on your Master’s Degree! That’s quite an accomplishment!

[b:399lw0jr]February 8, 2013 at 5:14 am[/b:399lw0jr]

Thanks Russell! Now I’m going for my stream entry degree

[b:25kt9r9j]Alan Smithee
February 8, 2013 at 6:00 am[/b:25kt9r9j]

Yes, congrats on the MA. What is the subject, if I may ask?

I also relatively recently finished my MA in English. After 12 years of school, I finally have time on my hands, and, like you, decided to utilize that time to go for 1st Path. I started a regular twice daily practice in December and have also been getting EQ on a fairly consistent basis.

Regarding doubt: It is my understanding that a fair number of folks spend a goodly amount of time in EQ territory. It is far less common for people to blast through it. The way I see it regarding my own practice, this is the opportunity to really become a proficient practitioner, and earn my stripes, so to speak.

I’d recommend reading through a survey I posted over at the Dharma Overground. It gives a nice sense of what it took people to get stream. On average, most people seemed to practice about two hours a day. Many got stream while at home, but a handful needed a retreat. I’d say that over six months of fairly hardcore, regular, daily practice is typical. Some folks took four months, some a year and a half. Most seem to average around six, or so.

Also, from time to time I think of Jane’s advice: “To remember that this practice really does work. Also, people take different amounts of time with it, because of a variety of factors. I got jealous of people who took less time than I did, then tied up in knots trying to figure out what was wrong with me. All the usual stuff.”

Also, some other advice: Have Fun! Don’t force it. Don’t strain for it. Don’t try to get it over with. Think of it like sex: If you are too nervous, you’re going to blow it. You need to relax into it. Enjoy the process. Like sex, it shouldn’t be a race to the finish. It is about gaining insight. Developing your skills. Learning the territory. And when it is ready, stream will happen. FYI: I had my doubts about A+P stuff as well. And then, bam, on retreat, I got a healthy dose of some pretty unexpected stuff.

[url:25kt9r9j]http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/3865611[/url:25kt9r9j]

[b:2fwzxf6h]February 8, 2013 at 12:22 pm[/b:2fwzxf6h]

Hi Alan, thanks for your reply, it’s very helpful. I’d already seen your thread over at the DhO, it’s really full of valuable tips, so thanks for posting the survey!

Since I started participating on KFD (Nov. 2011) I’ve seen several people make a lot of progress, while I couldn’t get past equanimity. It’s also got to do with personal circumstances that my progress is not that fast, but from time to time my seeming lack of progress causes some doubt and impatience. Right now I’m mostly just enjoying equanimity, and trying to put in a bit more time. The next few month I’ll probably have more time on my hands, so I can focus on this stuff more.

About my master’s degree: last year I got a master’s degree in religious studies, and now I’ve got an educational master’s degree (for teaching in secondary school). Not every school in the Netherlands offers religious education, so there aren’t a lot of vacancies. Hopefully I’ll find a job starting in September.

[b:1d7d74bk]February 21, 2013 at 5:20 am[/b:1d7d74bk]

Date:
02/21/2013

Length of Sit:
85 minutes

Where/Posture:
At home, burmese position

Pre-Meditative Context:
I got out of bed an hour before I sat down

Meditative Technique(s) Utilized:
Aprox. 20 minutes of shamatha, the rest of the sit noting (out loud, but the last 30 minutes silently).

What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose,
and How Were They Noted:
After 15 minutes of following my breath, there was a pleasant tingling wave going through my body. When I switched to noting, I noticed coolness, some worrying, planning thoughts. I can’t clearly remember what exactly happened after that, but there were a lot of thoughts, mainly about the future, and pressure/tension in my body. Eventually the thinking kind of settled, and there was more calm and acceptance. Every now an then a thought about my practice would pop up, but it was easy to just note it without getting caught up in the thought. A few times I became aware of my perspective: it felt like ‘I’ was located between my eyebrows. At a certain point many senstions felt subtly vibratory, like the touch of my hands, tension in my stomach and the sound of the room (buzzing/very fine and soft ‘white noise’). After an hour the timer went off, but I didn’t end the sit. The meditation was quite uneventful, bu it just felt okay to keep sitting.
Goal(s) for Next Session:
Stay on the cushion after the timer goes off.

Phew, that's it. Took a bit longer than I expected, but I'm glad it's all here now!

Good work! WOW.

Date:
03-15-2013

Length of Sit:
60 minutes

Where/posture:
Birmese posture
Pre-Meditative Context:
This morning I already meditated for an hour, then I had breakfast and read the newspaper, and then I hit the cushion again.

Meditative Technique(s) Utilized:
About 20 minutes shamatha, rest of the sit noting (mostly aloud)

What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose,
and How Were They Noted:
When I started noting, there was some tingling in my upperbody and I saw moving light. Then there was quite a bit of confusion and mapping thoughts, annoyance, thinking about what I should do to progress, trying to manipulate my experience. Also tension and pain in my back, as well as aversion to the pain and hoping it would go away. Then I noticed that the aversion had dropped away, and my field of attention gradually felt more spacious. I could note mind states and feelings more easily. Now and then I noticed mapping thoughts and evaluation thoughts. There was a very subtle and faint vibration in my body. Towards the end I noticed more impatience.

Goal(s) for Next Session:
Keep disembedding from aversion and impatience.

Hey Marc, how did Nadav's tips help in your next sit?

I only had 45 minutes for that sit, so I didn't very far. This morning I sat for 70 minutes, and I felt much more playful and curious, thanks to those tips. The meditation routine had gotten a bit stale and formal, so Nadav's tips (and yours) helped me to spicen it up a bit. At a certain point I stopped noting, and when I noticed my attention drifting off, I just noted this, and I asked myself regularly 'I wonder what my next thought will be' and 'what am I missing?'. It all seemed much more interesting than usual. I guess I got to lower equanimity, but I didn't feel as stuck as usual.

This is great, Marc. Amazing that you cut and pasted all those journal entries. Looking forward to seeing the ongoing updates. Cool that today's practice was a little juicier following Nadav and Russell's tips. Keep on keepin' on!

Thank you for the encouragement, Kenneth!
The last few days I've been meditating for 1 hour (yesterday 55 and 45 minutes), so my practice is pretty consistent, but it needs more momentum. My goal now is to sit at least 1.5 hour per day, and regularly meditate for more than an hour.

I don't have much to report, but I'll make an update anyway. Lately I have one or two sits a day, and I've noticed that I seem to get deeper into equanimity when I have a second meditation (in the afternoon). Most days I have a lot of excuses not to have a second meditation in the afternoon; I have to make it routine again.

This morning I sat for an hour; 20 minutes shamatha, 40 minutes noting (mostly aloud). The last 20 minutes everything was okay, I noted calm and acceptance, and lots of vibrations and humming.

Today I had two sits: this morning I sat for an hour and this afternoon I sat for 90 minutes.
In my afternoon/evening sits, I mostly end up in a very spacious, calm and present state. There are still quite a lot of expectations about what will/should happen, and it's pretty tricky not to stuck in evaluation thoughts. The trick seems to be to just note everything (which is not as easy as it sounds).

Thursday I'll have a talk with Ron (first time in two months...)