Metta

I only have one experience with metta-- and it was before I knew anything about it, really. I had read, I think in a popular book or essay from Jack Kornfield, about a kind of prayer that went (insofar as I could remember it) "May you be free of suffering. May your heart be at peace."

A couple of months later, I found myself sitting with my comatose, dying father. I had some difficult unanswered questions that were going to remain unanswered. For whatever reason, I remembered that prayer, and just made it a kind of anchor for the several-day-long meditation in the hospital room that ensued. And generated this poem:
How to Die

You have to agree, soon or late,
to dance, however difficult
the steps may be—

Or those with you
will be made horrified
and helpless witness
to unpreventable murder:

By your betraying and furious
body, by the technology
and chemistry that have seized

And assumed the life you had—
that you, and we, had thought
was yours and only yours.

How do I dare to tell
you this, who never spoke
any words you heard as loud
as these few last silent years?

At last, there is only
the one quiet thing to say:

May you be free
of suffering.
May your heart
be at peace.

Tom, my experience with Metta is limited as well. However, when I have done it in the past I have repeated a Mantra in a sense. It usually doesn't resonate with me, but does get me concentrated. So you can always try the 'fake it till you make it' approach to this. Repeat your script and visualize something that makes you feel joy. Like your children, spouse, etc... Usually this makes me get a strong feeling of joy and bliss after doing it a few times though.

Side Note specifically for Tom: Stick with your current practice right now unless this is an addition to what you are already doing. Don't switch up techniques at this point in your practice. At least IMO.

agree with russells practical advice ceon't start fishing for new practices or changing routine right now. and if you do do metta later or in addition, that it doesnt resonate is a good reason to do it. fake it til you make it. . however, see point one of this response.

The secret to metta, >for me< if there is one, is to make it about feeling. Not about obligation, fixing, merit, giving, neutralizing, liberating, forgiving, good intentions, making amends, etc. --- even though all of that will happen. But rather focus on connecting with the feeling of the words --- the nouns themselves--- even if it is just the longing for it. Don't worry about the intent of the sentence, just focus on the nouns.

So for example:

Calm. What is calm, what does if feel like? Can I create a little calmness in my body and mind. What does that feel like. What is the difference when you are at calm? It's like our skin gets softer. Problems are dropped for a moment. We don't keep adding in energy to the situation. Ahhhh....

Ease. What does ease feel like? An nice exhale. A settling, A smoothness. Ooooooh...

etc. etc.

The point is not to rush through the statements. In fact, the longer it takes, the better it is. You could just do a whole meditation on the word "calm"... but our minds like to be a little engaged, so a metta practice is a series of words that help us reconnect with helpful and healing mind states.

I wouldn't make a big deal about doing metta for enemies, etc. ... until you want to try. It should become obvious that if everyone had helpful mind states, they probably wouldn't be so lazy or greedy or malicious, so why not wish them well? But save that for later.

I would insist that you do it for yourself first (and last if you are doing different groups of people). For example, I might go me, my wife, my dog, family, co-workers, community, all communities, all beings on earth, all beings known and unknown, then myself again. Metta needs to be for you, because if not you, then ultimately how can you do any good in the world? The world is full of well-intentioned people that just spew their own problems on the world as they try to save the world. Doctor, heal thyself.

So anyway....

May I be calm and at ease
May I be healthy, rested, and whole
May I be safe and free from danger
May I act with wisdom and avoid unnecessary problems
May I awaken
May I be free from suffering
May I be happy

Just the first verse could/should/might take about 3 or 5 minutes to say.

May I be calm (create and feel calmness for 15 seconds) and at ease (create and feel ease and easiness for 15 seconds)

If you manage to really lock on a feeling and it feels good ---- don't move on. Stay with that feeling! Dwell in the feeling, dwell in the reward of having such a caring intent, enjoy.

(Can you see how metta can be the gateway to jhana and how accessing a little jhana makes us want to do metta and vice versa? It's like the opposite of the reinforced confusion of samsara. Metta is reinforced dharma: feeling, intent, healing, and motivating all in one.)

It really helps to expand the well-wishing as big as you can imagine. To the farthest reaches of the universe, beyond space and time... Unconditional, unlimited metta.

Sometimes you can bump it up a little by adding more words like like "completely" or "all forms of". Like "may I be completely safe and free from all forms of danger" or "may I awaken completely". This is your wish, make it the way you want it.

May all beings, known and unknown, be calm at ease
May we all be healthy, rested, and whole
May we be safe and free from danger
May we act with wisdom and avoid unnecessary problems
May we all completely awaken
May we be free from all forms of suffering
May we be happy

May I be calm and at ease
May I be healthy, rested, and whole
May I be safe and free from danger
May I act with wisdom and avoid unnecessary problems
May I awaken
May I be free from suffering
May I be happy

The last thing I'll say is no one taught me metta in a formal way. I just took the idea, found the expressions I liked, changed them as I was saying them, and that's how I wound up with the expressions above.

Hope this helps!

Tom Otvos wrote: My practice continues as un-metta as it can get.

Metta to you

I found this article helpful a few years ago:
leighb.com/jhnbrmvhr.htm

In practice I first ask: May I open to _________.
I just ask and feel around for receptivity and openness.
Then, I wait to feel into that openness, then move onward with some phrases as they arise.
I tend to use spontaneous phrases that arise and not a pre-scripted phrase or set of phrases.

i've done buddhist metta meditation occasionally, usually at buddhist centers where it was guided.

but it seems not too different in function from prayer in the way i'd been taught in other traditions. like in santeria you pray daily in a formal way for yourself, your teachers, lineage brothers, that they have good health and blessings. there are formulaic basic ways of doing it, but you add your own words, too. and of course you pray for anyone you know who is having difficulty.

it's even more standard among christians i've known, of all kinds, to meet just about any news with 'i'll pray for you'. and praying for 'enemies' is a teaching there, too, though a hard thing to do at first, and the sort of thing that comes more naturally with deeper practice.

does anyone find metta and prayer significantly different? has anyone else done both?

Been thinking about your question Ona...

It seems like one of the main distinctions (but not 100% "rule") is that sometimes prayer puts the onus on god as the agent of change. Not always though, but let me put that out as a premise just to follow through with the thought... During prayer we are often asking god for the capacity to meet life's challenges or asking god to lessen life's challenges. I suspect this is very similar in more religious forms of buddhism --- there is some metaphysical idea (karma, merit, the cosmic influence of living or dead or future buddhas) that situations can be change by some outside agent.

The heart of productive metta practice is recognizing that we are training or cultivating ourselves. That we're intentionally inclining the mind in a wholesome direction, which will create a foundation for eventually acting reflexively in a wholesome way. The onus is on us to cultivate the friendly qualities that improves awareness and action. It is less about obtaining a result.

Hmm, so I guess this kinda highlights the difference between magic and lust for a result, in a certain sense. The former being about strengthening intent (and letting outcomes happen), the latter about fixating on outcome without realizing the importance of one's intent.

(Well, that's some half-completed thinking, but I think it sorta responds to your post.)

i guess i intended it more specifically. if one is saying 'may i be happy, my friend be happy, may my enemy be happy, may all beings be happy' or 'lord have mercy on me, my friend, my enemy, and all beings' is the relationship to that activity fundamentally different? one is in both cases initially asking for a change in conditions. one later recognizes that metta, love or mercy already always simply is, and that the practice has helped move you into recognition of that. thoughts?

They may or may not be asking for a change of conditions. That is the point regarding the relationship to the activity being different.

The "cultivation" aspect of metta practice is to cultivate that intent for all beings to have wholesome lives (friends, family, so-called enemies, teachers, etc etc). It's about building one's own wholesome intents.

Edit:The "cultivation" aspect of metta practice is to cultivate [our own] intent for all beings to have wholesome lives (friends, family, so-called enemies, teachers, etc etc). It's about building one's own wholesome intents.

One of Ngak'chang Rinpoche's teachers, Chhi-med Rigdzin Dorje, said, "Judaism is the religion of the King-- you want something done, you ask the King. Christianity is the religion of the Prince-- you want something done, you ask the Prince. Buddhism is the religion of the laborer-- you want something done, you do it yourself."

Kate Gowen wrote: One of Ngak'chang Rinpoche's teachers, Chhi-med Rigdzin Dorje, said, "Judaism is the religion of the King-- you want something done, you ask the King. Christianity is the religion of the Prince-- you want something done, you ask the Prince. Buddhism is the religion of the laborer-- you want something done, you do it yourself."

yes but... who is doing, wanting...??? not me, not mine...?

your answer?

both practices can, in time, imo, lead through the sense of being the one making stuff happen to recognizing the always-already-present quality of the metta/mercy/etc.

to say buddhism is about doing it yourself or christianity about jesus doing it for you is true in a way/for a time, but ideally the practice leads deeper than that, no?

Chris Marti wrote: I think in the end, maybe at the deeper levels, the King, the Prince and "yourself" are pretty much the same thing.

exactly

Yes, travelling to the east will put you in the west, but I don't know if I would recommend taking such a long walk.

By the way, I'm not making a statement about tradition here, I'm making a statement about practice.

Ona Kiser wrote: it's even more standard among christians i've known, of all kinds, to meet just about any news with 'i'll pray for you'.

I too have noticed this tendency among Christians, and I find it puzzling, but frustrating to discuss. (I find myself wanting to argue, which in itself is fascinating to explore.) I'm specifically thinking about intercessionary prayer, where you pray to God on behalf of others. If you believe in God as a being that is omniscient, omnipotent, loving, and inerrant, then wanting God to change his mind about anything seems a bit problematic.

Maybe my frustration with this is symptomatic of the rule-adherent and boundary-defining behavior that Ona spoke of in her post about the Eight-fold Path. On my part, that is...

But then again, I also seem to have a strong curiosity about it these days rather than the knee-jerk reaction I used to have, so I suppose that's an improvement...

[edit: just realized how off-topic this is. Tom, please feel free to move this if so desired.]

andy wrote:

Ona Kiser wrote: it's even more standard among christians i've known, of all kinds, to meet just about any news with 'i'll pray for you'.

I too have noticed this tendency among Christians, and I find it puzzling, but frustrating to discuss. (I find myself wanting to argue, which in itself is fascinating to explore.) I'm specifically thinking about intercessionary prayer, where you pray to God on behalf of others. If you believe in God as a being that is omniscient, omnipotent, loving, and inerrant, then wanting God to change his mind about anything seems a bit problematic.

Maybe my frustration with this is symptomatic of the rule-adherent and boundary-defining behavior that Ona spoke of in her post about the Eight-fold Path. On my part, that is...

But then again, I also seem to have a strong curiosity about it these days rather than the knee-jerk reaction I used to have, so I suppose that's an improvement...

[edit: just realized how off-topic this is. Tom, please feel free to move this if so desired.]

the problem you describe here is an exoteric vs esoteric one. people who are not in the awakening process thingy aren't going to relate to christianity as a wisdom tradition. so the conversation is hard to have. it's like a sufi and a wahabi fundamentalist trying to discuss islam. two very different ways of relating to it.

here's a thing i wrote when i was feeling my way around that exact question: alittledeathblog.com/2012/05/22/magick-w...does-that-even-mean/

and i also discuss how prayer and metta practice seemed to be related to me at that time (view has changed further since then)