Andrew's Practice Thread
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 1 month ago #90375
by Seekr
Andrew's Practice Thread was created by Seekr
Hello All,
Long time participator/lurker here. Decided to throw my hat in the ring of online reporting and see if anybody can help me out with any pointers.
I've been around posting/lurking since 2009 and kinda stuck around equinimity for a W H I L E. Not sure if its lack of effort/intensity (not enough cushion time) or missing something very simple. All are welcomed to comment.
Metta
Andrew
Long time participator/lurker here. Decided to throw my hat in the ring of online reporting and see if anybody can help me out with any pointers.
I've been around posting/lurking since 2009 and kinda stuck around equinimity for a W H I L E. Not sure if its lack of effort/intensity (not enough cushion time) or missing something very simple. All are welcomed to comment.
Metta
Andrew
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 1 month ago #90376
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
8/8/12 15m kasina + 30m verbal noting.
Really slowed down the noting and decreased the processing power. One note per four seconds catches every 3-5th or more stimuli that occur, but feels more natural as opposed to powering through and loosing the touch with the object in the attention. Modified the practice in order to move towards the choiceless awareness side of the spectrum. The triads and quads seemed to be too processing power consuming and became too automated.
There was much sound of silence. There was pressure on top of head, undulating (lots of it). There were twitches, tingles, pleasant sensations. There was masked judgement usually presenting concurrently with a lump / heaviness in throat. Sometimes this lump in throat would extend upwards and connect with the pain inside (literally) the head, like the extension of the spine into the head as the body of pain. At some point might have hit equinimity as even thought the painful lump in throat and pain persited they just weren't a big deal.
There was sound of silence in the background a lot. It would sometimes break up into a more subtle, flickering 3-4 Hz bits.
The noting felt relaxed. Althought there was much doubt whether this slow pace should be maintained, so for some 10 mins sped up the pace to about 0.5-1 Hz.
Metta at end.
Really slowed down the noting and decreased the processing power. One note per four seconds catches every 3-5th or more stimuli that occur, but feels more natural as opposed to powering through and loosing the touch with the object in the attention. Modified the practice in order to move towards the choiceless awareness side of the spectrum. The triads and quads seemed to be too processing power consuming and became too automated.
There was much sound of silence. There was pressure on top of head, undulating (lots of it). There were twitches, tingles, pleasant sensations. There was masked judgement usually presenting concurrently with a lump / heaviness in throat. Sometimes this lump in throat would extend upwards and connect with the pain inside (literally) the head, like the extension of the spine into the head as the body of pain. At some point might have hit equinimity as even thought the painful lump in throat and pain persited they just weren't a big deal.
There was sound of silence in the background a lot. It would sometimes break up into a more subtle, flickering 3-4 Hz bits.
The noting felt relaxed. Althought there was much doubt whether this slow pace should be maintained, so for some 10 mins sped up the pace to about 0.5-1 Hz.
Metta at end.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 1 month ago #90377
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
8/10/12 10m kasina 20m verbal noting
Lots of agitation. Lots of anger. Multiple scenario thoughts. Some disengagement with the noting, some automating. Again, slower noting more open awareness like, trying to maintain continuity of mindfulness thoroughout the experience. Not much unpleasant physical sensations. Keepin on keepin on.
Metta at end
8/9/12 10m kasina 5m verbal noting
Lots of agitation. Lots of anger. Multiple scenario thoughts. Some disengagement with the noting, some automating. Again, slower noting more open awareness like, trying to maintain continuity of mindfulness thoroughout the experience. Not much unpleasant physical sensations. Keepin on keepin on.
Metta at end
8/9/12 10m kasina 5m verbal noting
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 1 month ago #90378
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
15m kasina 30 verbal noting.
Really slowed down the noting to 0.25-0.5 Hz. Noticing more than noting. But trying to tune into the flow of experience rather than to tag as many things as possible. There was scenario thoughts regarding (heightened as of late) stresses of daily life/relationships. There was touching, there was hearing. There was the sound of silence (easy to tune into). There was calm, there was okay-ness. There were planning thoughts, there were image thoughts, there were memory thoughts, there was some automating. There was some pleasant energy flowing up occuring with pleasant muscle tensions. There was vibrating. There was motivation.
Quick metta at end.
Really slowed down the noting to 0.25-0.5 Hz. Noticing more than noting. But trying to tune into the flow of experience rather than to tag as many things as possible. There was scenario thoughts regarding (heightened as of late) stresses of daily life/relationships. There was touching, there was hearing. There was the sound of silence (easy to tune into). There was calm, there was okay-ness. There were planning thoughts, there were image thoughts, there were memory thoughts, there was some automating. There was some pleasant energy flowing up occuring with pleasant muscle tensions. There was vibrating. There was motivation.
Quick metta at end.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 1 month ago #90379
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
10m Kasina 20m verbal noting
Settled in relatively easily staring at a plastic plate taped to the wall. Since the sit, mind finds it easier to get a little taste of absorbtion during activities (walking home from work, talking to people). Some purplish transparent concentric and focusing shape was visible.
When switched to verbal noting. Again slow, trying to open to whatever is predominant at-the-time-of-note as well as things that come up in between the official notes. Sometimes would note image-thought, or scenario-thought mentally in between the verbal notes. The phenomena came and went much faster than the once 3-4 second notes. There was some absorption, some pleasant tingles, some lights. There was motivation. There were a lot of memory thoughts, there were image thoughts, there were life-scenario-thoughts. At some point sound of silence became predominant. Stuff became relaxed.
Metta at end.
-A
Settled in relatively easily staring at a plastic plate taped to the wall. Since the sit, mind finds it easier to get a little taste of absorbtion during activities (walking home from work, talking to people). Some purplish transparent concentric and focusing shape was visible.
When switched to verbal noting. Again slow, trying to open to whatever is predominant at-the-time-of-note as well as things that come up in between the official notes. Sometimes would note image-thought, or scenario-thought mentally in between the verbal notes. The phenomena came and went much faster than the once 3-4 second notes. There was some absorption, some pleasant tingles, some lights. There was motivation. There were a lot of memory thoughts, there were image thoughts, there were life-scenario-thoughts. At some point sound of silence became predominant. Stuff became relaxed.
Metta at end.
-A
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 1 month ago #90380
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
Wed 8/15
10m kasina
20m verbal noting
Continuing slow, open awareness like noting. Have to slow down on purpose, want to note more things coming up. Sometimes noting fewer phenomena verbally but noting some mentally. Sometimes noting automatic noting without getting engaged with the phenomenon at hand (coming up). There were scenario thoughts, there was touching, there was lots of hearing, there was humming, there was a sound of silence, there was calm, there was restlessness, there was judgement, there was expectation and there was anticipation. There was pressure on top of head, there were pleasant tingles.
Some Metta at end.
-A
10m kasina
20m verbal noting
Continuing slow, open awareness like noting. Have to slow down on purpose, want to note more things coming up. Sometimes noting fewer phenomena verbally but noting some mentally. Sometimes noting automatic noting without getting engaged with the phenomenon at hand (coming up). There were scenario thoughts, there was touching, there was lots of hearing, there was humming, there was a sound of silence, there was calm, there was restlessness, there was judgement, there was expectation and there was anticipation. There was pressure on top of head, there were pleasant tingles.
Some Metta at end.
-A
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 1 month ago #90381
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
Thu 8/16 10m kasina, 20m verbal noting, (later) 20m verbal noting
Fri Off
Sat 8/17/12 15m Kasina, 30m verbal noting (with one interruption to close the door).
Started out with many scenario thoughts (particularily about a movie recently seen), kasina focusing helped gather mind into a less disjointed space. But even after 15m there was still some film scenario imagining going on (whereas usually 15m is usually enough to get down to bid-ness).
Noting speed adjusted to 1 Hz ('ish). Trying to find the groove in noting enough not to miss too much. 0.5-1Hz seems to do the trick. Started with pretty apparent sound of silence and alternating between different body sensations, in a fashion such as hearing, hearing, touching, hearing, tingling, pressure (on top of head), hearing...
Much of experience was colored by hearing sense door from the sound of silence, to sounds of passing cars to sounds of passing planes, occasionally interspersed with a body sensation of touch or pressure or tingling. After couple of minutes of body sensations being predominant, thoughts became a little more apparent alternating between (very random) memory thoughts to imagining thoughts to scenario thoughts, then would go back to hearing (sound of silence). Body twitches would be present occasionally.
At some point wiped sweat from the brow and the forehead area where I touched became alive with interesting vibrations, faster. at some point the visual field had T H E subtlE S T flickering of visual field that would subside shortly.
During this sit it became apparent when mind sort of concluded it was bored and wanted to move onto more interesting planning thoughts and imaginging thoughts. The times of automation and thought manipulation were noted. Ended to predominance of sound of silence hearing interspersed with feelings of anticipation and impatience towards the end of the sit.
Metta at end.
Fri Off
Sat 8/17/12 15m Kasina, 30m verbal noting (with one interruption to close the door).
Started out with many scenario thoughts (particularily about a movie recently seen), kasina focusing helped gather mind into a less disjointed space. But even after 15m there was still some film scenario imagining going on (whereas usually 15m is usually enough to get down to bid-ness).
Noting speed adjusted to 1 Hz ('ish). Trying to find the groove in noting enough not to miss too much. 0.5-1Hz seems to do the trick. Started with pretty apparent sound of silence and alternating between different body sensations, in a fashion such as hearing, hearing, touching, hearing, tingling, pressure (on top of head), hearing...
Much of experience was colored by hearing sense door from the sound of silence, to sounds of passing cars to sounds of passing planes, occasionally interspersed with a body sensation of touch or pressure or tingling. After couple of minutes of body sensations being predominant, thoughts became a little more apparent alternating between (very random) memory thoughts to imagining thoughts to scenario thoughts, then would go back to hearing (sound of silence). Body twitches would be present occasionally.
At some point wiped sweat from the brow and the forehead area where I touched became alive with interesting vibrations, faster. at some point the visual field had T H E subtlE S T flickering of visual field that would subside shortly.
During this sit it became apparent when mind sort of concluded it was bored and wanted to move onto more interesting planning thoughts and imaginging thoughts. The times of automation and thought manipulation were noted. Ended to predominance of sound of silence hearing interspersed with feelings of anticipation and impatience towards the end of the sit.
Metta at end.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 4 weeks ago #90382
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
Sun 8/19 10m verbal noting
Mon 8/20 15m kasina 30m verbal noting
Realized that there is more objectification of sitting-as-a-chore type thought patterns and accompanying aversion than previously thoughts. Finally at point in life to be able to commit a decent time to practice and there is much resistance coming up along with hopelessness and doubt.
Kasina sitting started getting to less mind-chattery place.
Verbal noting now close to 1Hz although that feels fast and sometimes too rushed, so once every 1.5-2 secs seems more natural and not missing too much. Tried to specifically focus on the most predominant sensation coming up. Sit was permeated with tons of sound of silence (note-hearing), physical touching/sitting (note-touching), and a lot of image thoughts (note-image or thinking). There was worry, there was fear. Mindstates tended NOT to be at the forefront of the most apparent sensations. There was manipulation to move in that (3rd foundation) direction.
There was some buzzing/vibration in the feet bilaterally, upper back and sprinkled on top of head.
Metta at end.
May all beings find an existence of wisdom, peace and ease.
Mon 8/20 15m kasina 30m verbal noting
Realized that there is more objectification of sitting-as-a-chore type thought patterns and accompanying aversion than previously thoughts. Finally at point in life to be able to commit a decent time to practice and there is much resistance coming up along with hopelessness and doubt.
Kasina sitting started getting to less mind-chattery place.
Verbal noting now close to 1Hz although that feels fast and sometimes too rushed, so once every 1.5-2 secs seems more natural and not missing too much. Tried to specifically focus on the most predominant sensation coming up. Sit was permeated with tons of sound of silence (note-hearing), physical touching/sitting (note-touching), and a lot of image thoughts (note-image or thinking). There was worry, there was fear. Mindstates tended NOT to be at the forefront of the most apparent sensations. There was manipulation to move in that (3rd foundation) direction.
There was some buzzing/vibration in the feet bilaterally, upper back and sprinkled on top of head.
Metta at end.
May all beings find an existence of wisdom, peace and ease.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 3 weeks ago #90383
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
8/21/12 15m kasina 40m verbal noting
8/22/12 10m kasina
Hitting some sort of miserable states fairly hard. General dissatisfaction with status quo. Relativistic analysis of morality, social constructs. Generally "oh whats the point" type thoughts.
8/22/12 10m kasina
Hitting some sort of miserable states fairly hard. General dissatisfaction with status quo. Relativistic analysis of morality, social constructs. Generally "oh whats the point" type thoughts.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 3 weeks ago #90384
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
30m Kasina + 30 verbal noting.
Oh M.A.N! Buzzing vibratory, chest heaviness hell! Didn't know I can get so intensely through this territory. Stuff in life outside the cushion is not perfect, but it seems my misery is probably more practice related. I just hope not to bleed-through to close family and friends.
Kasina staring did bring up some interesting visual effects, but there were still many thought scenarios. During the first 15 minutes the transparrent/concentric/purple lightish disc would close in on casina in an undulating manner. During the latter 15 minutes the color was more yellow/greenish, and would not be as pulsing/undulating as before.
Verbal noting. Started out with some hearing sounds. Noted hearing. This sit the physical sensaitons were more predominant than the sound of silence or other sounds that have been heretofore predominant. Judgemental, striving mindstates would occasionally arise accompanied by heaviness/pain in the chest. There was a buzzing/vibratory like quality to the external edges of the felt body. Particularily on the outside legs and outside shoulders. Buzzing was noted. Touching was noted.
At some point the pressure inward on top of head became particularily intense and that was noted for a while, this changed in intensity, undulated for a while and was associated with tightness in a "middle" of the head as well as tightness/heaviness/pain in the throat. There were shudders, there was twitching, at times expansion like feeling would be associated with rising energy, tightening muscles and release with shaking/shuddering (5-7 out of 10 scale).
At some point there was a cooling and the sensations of buzzing became finer, faster and more pleasant. Things have relaxed, there still was the heaviness in the chest but it did not bother as much . Doubt and judgement were present.
May all beings live in wisdom, peace and ease.
Metta.
Oh M.A.N! Buzzing vibratory, chest heaviness hell! Didn't know I can get so intensely through this territory. Stuff in life outside the cushion is not perfect, but it seems my misery is probably more practice related. I just hope not to bleed-through to close family and friends.
Kasina staring did bring up some interesting visual effects, but there were still many thought scenarios. During the first 15 minutes the transparrent/concentric/purple lightish disc would close in on casina in an undulating manner. During the latter 15 minutes the color was more yellow/greenish, and would not be as pulsing/undulating as before.
Verbal noting. Started out with some hearing sounds. Noted hearing. This sit the physical sensaitons were more predominant than the sound of silence or other sounds that have been heretofore predominant. Judgemental, striving mindstates would occasionally arise accompanied by heaviness/pain in the chest. There was a buzzing/vibratory like quality to the external edges of the felt body. Particularily on the outside legs and outside shoulders. Buzzing was noted. Touching was noted.
At some point the pressure inward on top of head became particularily intense and that was noted for a while, this changed in intensity, undulated for a while and was associated with tightness in a "middle" of the head as well as tightness/heaviness/pain in the throat. There were shudders, there was twitching, at times expansion like feeling would be associated with rising energy, tightening muscles and release with shaking/shuddering (5-7 out of 10 scale).
At some point there was a cooling and the sensations of buzzing became finer, faster and more pleasant. Things have relaxed, there still was the heaviness in the chest but it did not bother as much . Doubt and judgement were present.
May all beings live in wisdom, peace and ease.
Metta.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 2 weeks ago #90385
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
Sat 8/25 10m kasina 20m verbal noting
Sun 8/26 10m verbal noting
Tue 8/28 15m kasina 30m verbal noting
Kasina seems useful to tune down the mental scenario thought chatter. It doesn't cease completely, but definitely down a notch. Yesterday the pace was about 0.75-1Hz verbal note. At 1 Hz it feels rushed and under pressure. Somewhere between 0.5-0.75 Hz it feels more at ease, but worry comes up whether its too slow and too much gets missed.
Touching sensations were predominant, some judgement was present. There was hearing (of sounds), there was hearing (of sound of silence), there was seeing of light shapes with closed eyes. There were tingles on skin that were pleasant. There was some vibrating, coarse on the outside of skin. There was decent amount of undulating pressure on top of head. End of session was marked by vibratory and shuddering sensations.
Metta at end.
Andrew
Sun 8/26 10m verbal noting
Tue 8/28 15m kasina 30m verbal noting
Kasina seems useful to tune down the mental scenario thought chatter. It doesn't cease completely, but definitely down a notch. Yesterday the pace was about 0.75-1Hz verbal note. At 1 Hz it feels rushed and under pressure. Somewhere between 0.5-0.75 Hz it feels more at ease, but worry comes up whether its too slow and too much gets missed.
Touching sensations were predominant, some judgement was present. There was hearing (of sounds), there was hearing (of sound of silence), there was seeing of light shapes with closed eyes. There were tingles on skin that were pleasant. There was some vibrating, coarse on the outside of skin. There was decent amount of undulating pressure on top of head. End of session was marked by vibratory and shuddering sensations.
Metta at end.
Andrew
- Seekr
- Topic Author
13 years 1 day ago #90386
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
30m Kasina + 30 verbal noting
Back from family trip hiatus. It was busy, but honestly not SO busy as to not afford any time to sit. Nevertheless there was resistance to sitting.
Gathering up / mustering strength/effort. Kasina meditation was punctated by mental chatter and scenario thoughts. Some purplish transparent disc was visible at times as well as light outlines of objects, but would slide back into scenario thoughts.
Verbal noting would occur at 0.75-1 Hz. Physical sensations were present, touching, tingling of skin. There was hearing, very frequently accompanied by image thoughts, figuring-out thoughts and such. There was some shuddering and pleasant tightness of muscles. There were some lights (faint). Thoughts would center around random memories and general RANDOM thoughts associations. Mindstates were harder to pinpoint, more subtle and permeated with boredom, anticipation and analyzing.
May all be well.
Metta
Andrew
Back from family trip hiatus. It was busy, but honestly not SO busy as to not afford any time to sit. Nevertheless there was resistance to sitting.
Gathering up / mustering strength/effort. Kasina meditation was punctated by mental chatter and scenario thoughts. Some purplish transparent disc was visible at times as well as light outlines of objects, but would slide back into scenario thoughts.
Verbal noting would occur at 0.75-1 Hz. Physical sensations were present, touching, tingling of skin. There was hearing, very frequently accompanied by image thoughts, figuring-out thoughts and such. There was some shuddering and pleasant tightness of muscles. There were some lights (faint). Thoughts would center around random memories and general RANDOM thoughts associations. Mindstates were harder to pinpoint, more subtle and permeated with boredom, anticipation and analyzing.
May all be well.
Metta
Andrew
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 11 months ago #90387
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
15m kasina 15m verbal noting
Man,
Lots of scenario thoughts, lots of aversion to practice, judgement, doubt. Eventually settled down to more in the body, peripheral tingling arose. More absorptive feeling, grooving with body sensations, sounds sights, thoughts would come and go (mostly image and scenario). Mustering up effort. There was striving there was analysis, there was impatience and aversion. Keepin on keepin on.
Metta
Andrew
Man,
Lots of scenario thoughts, lots of aversion to practice, judgement, doubt. Eventually settled down to more in the body, peripheral tingling arose. More absorptive feeling, grooving with body sensations, sounds sights, thoughts would come and go (mostly image and scenario). Mustering up effort. There was striving there was analysis, there was impatience and aversion. Keepin on keepin on.
Metta
Andrew
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 11 months ago #90388
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
Multiple spurts of 1h sits over last two weeks. Two days of 1h sits, two days off and so on.
10/4/12 10m kasina 50m verbal noting
10/5/12 10m kasina
10/7/12 45m verbal noting
10/8/12 10m kasina 50m verbal noting
30m verbal noting
Started off with a lot of gross periheral vibrations and around 40m mark there was a (very) subtle shift to a calmer state, characterized by finer peripheral sensaitons. The transition was not as stark as 1mo ago, but it feels more viscerally "ok". Lots of scenario thoughts, interspersed with image thoughts (particularily appearing immediately after particular sounds). As if mind tried to color each sound with an interpretation of what it is (happens very fast). Lots of hearing sound of silence, at times disjointed 3-4Hz, flickering type sound (as if someone with playing with the volume knob at 3-4Hz turning it up and down) and at times continuous. There was seeing (of shapes behind eyes), at times a purple disc would appear and concentrically shrink in the field, kept noting. There was boredom, desire for deliverance, judgement (sometimes associated with tightness at base of neck).
Keep on keepin' on.
Metta at end.
10/4/12 10m kasina 50m verbal noting
10/5/12 10m kasina
10/7/12 45m verbal noting
10/8/12 10m kasina 50m verbal noting
30m verbal noting
Started off with a lot of gross periheral vibrations and around 40m mark there was a (very) subtle shift to a calmer state, characterized by finer peripheral sensaitons. The transition was not as stark as 1mo ago, but it feels more viscerally "ok". Lots of scenario thoughts, interspersed with image thoughts (particularily appearing immediately after particular sounds). As if mind tried to color each sound with an interpretation of what it is (happens very fast). Lots of hearing sound of silence, at times disjointed 3-4Hz, flickering type sound (as if someone with playing with the volume knob at 3-4Hz turning it up and down) and at times continuous. There was seeing (of shapes behind eyes), at times a purple disc would appear and concentrically shrink in the field, kept noting. There was boredom, desire for deliverance, judgement (sometimes associated with tightness at base of neck).
Keep on keepin' on.
Metta at end.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 11 months ago #90389
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
10/9 30m verbal noting 20m verbal noting
10/10 10m kasina 50m verbal noting
10/11 10m kasina 10m verbal noting
10/12 10m kasina 50m verbal noting
10/13 10m kasina
10/16 10m kasina 50m verbal noting
10/17 10m kasina 35m verbal noting
10/18 10m kasina 30m verbal noting ; 5m kasina 25m verbal noting
Around 10/16 the quality of peripheral vibrating sensations increased in frequency and all manner of experience has "chilled out". Feel relaxed. Most recently kasina staring would throw me into rising energy, coarse pleasant sensations faster. experience and the corresponding Verbal noting did tend to migrate towards the hearing sense door. Lots of hearing, hearing, hearing, then touching, pressure (on top of head) and in brow area. Occasional bliss (coarse).
Then (especially today there was a silence and calm. Mind reflexively tries to scan for the unpleasant sensations anywhere in the body. There was lots of doubt (regarding the presence of calm and bliss). Bliss was refined, and not very apparent, but there was silence and calm nonetheless. The usual tighness around the BASE of neck was either very subtle or altogether gone. Lots of doubt arose regarding the possibility of this. Lots of investigating mind state, lots of striving mindstate.
Thats all for now.
Metta
Andrew
10/10 10m kasina 50m verbal noting
10/11 10m kasina 10m verbal noting
10/12 10m kasina 50m verbal noting
10/13 10m kasina
10/16 10m kasina 50m verbal noting
10/17 10m kasina 35m verbal noting
10/18 10m kasina 30m verbal noting ; 5m kasina 25m verbal noting
Around 10/16 the quality of peripheral vibrating sensations increased in frequency and all manner of experience has "chilled out". Feel relaxed. Most recently kasina staring would throw me into rising energy, coarse pleasant sensations faster. experience and the corresponding Verbal noting did tend to migrate towards the hearing sense door. Lots of hearing, hearing, hearing, then touching, pressure (on top of head) and in brow area. Occasional bliss (coarse).
Then (especially today there was a silence and calm. Mind reflexively tries to scan for the unpleasant sensations anywhere in the body. There was lots of doubt (regarding the presence of calm and bliss). Bliss was refined, and not very apparent, but there was silence and calm nonetheless. The usual tighness around the BASE of neck was either very subtle or altogether gone. Lots of doubt arose regarding the possibility of this. Lots of investigating mind state, lots of striving mindstate.
Thats all for now.
Metta
Andrew
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 10 months ago #90390
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
10/20/12 1h vn
Mostly noted hearing. There were shudders, there was energy, there was absorption, there was bliss. There was subtle aversion to following/wading into absorption.
There was motivation, there was striving. The tightness in The throat would intensify and then travel into the chest and then up towards center of the skull/head.
About halfway in - There was gratitude and satisfaction. About 30-40m mark there was an abiding calm with much relaxed tight knot in the low throat, base of neck. There was a lot of calm and the sound of silence was very prominent.
At some point There was undulating pain in the right brow along with pressure on top of the head.
The latter portion of the session was characterized by gratitude, calm and satisfaction.
Upekha
10/22/12 1h vn
Periods of soft stillness and calm interspersed with periods of restlessness, doubt and judgement, usually associated with tightness around the
Base of throat. At some point burning in high chest/base of throat become quite severe and transformed something else.
There was some brow activity, but not as intense and painful as during the last sit.
10/23/12 30m vn
10/24/12 1h vn
Mostly noted hearing. There were shudders, there was energy, there was absorption, there was bliss. There was subtle aversion to following/wading into absorption.
There was motivation, there was striving. The tightness in The throat would intensify and then travel into the chest and then up towards center of the skull/head.
About halfway in - There was gratitude and satisfaction. About 30-40m mark there was an abiding calm with much relaxed tight knot in the low throat, base of neck. There was a lot of calm and the sound of silence was very prominent.
At some point There was undulating pain in the right brow along with pressure on top of the head.
The latter portion of the session was characterized by gratitude, calm and satisfaction.
Upekha
10/22/12 1h vn
Periods of soft stillness and calm interspersed with periods of restlessness, doubt and judgement, usually associated with tightness around the
Base of throat. At some point burning in high chest/base of throat become quite severe and transformed something else.
There was some brow activity, but not as intense and painful as during the last sit.
10/23/12 30m vn
10/24/12 1h vn
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 10 months ago #90391
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
10/25/12 30m vn(verbal noting) + 10m (mn) mental noting
10/30/12 15m vn, 30m vn
10/31/12 15m vn
11/1/12 30m vn
11/2/12 10m vn
11/3/12 1h vn
11/4/12 1h vn
11/5/12 1h vn
Had a cold and could not muster up energy to sit with the malaise. Otherwise striving to maintain momentum and put in sitting time. After the 5d hiatus, mood was somewhat pessimistic, "smelling" of dn territory. Generally an "eeech" type approach/attitude to life in general. There was desire for deliverance, and desire to get back to equanimous mind state to deal with life in a more balanced and un-filtered / un-colored manner. The sittings have brought occasional periods of calm and pleasant and genle "softness" of physical sensations. Not as strong as in the past, but generally o.k.
There was hearing, there was touching, there was motivation, there was striving, there were scenario thoughts. There was some tighness/heaviness around the base of throat. There was despair, there was doubt, there was aversion and impatience. Continuing. Let's go!
Mudita,
Andrew
10/30/12 15m vn, 30m vn
10/31/12 15m vn
11/1/12 30m vn
11/2/12 10m vn
11/3/12 1h vn
11/4/12 1h vn
11/5/12 1h vn
Had a cold and could not muster up energy to sit with the malaise. Otherwise striving to maintain momentum and put in sitting time. After the 5d hiatus, mood was somewhat pessimistic, "smelling" of dn territory. Generally an "eeech" type approach/attitude to life in general. There was desire for deliverance, and desire to get back to equanimous mind state to deal with life in a more balanced and un-filtered / un-colored manner. The sittings have brought occasional periods of calm and pleasant and genle "softness" of physical sensations. Not as strong as in the past, but generally o.k.
There was hearing, there was touching, there was motivation, there was striving, there were scenario thoughts. There was some tighness/heaviness around the base of throat. There was despair, there was doubt, there was aversion and impatience. Continuing. Let's go!
Mudita,
Andrew
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 10 months ago #90392
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
11/7/12 30m vn
11/8/12 45m vn
11/9/12 35m + 1h vn
-- in the beginning (10m mark?) things chilled out a bit and their felt very calm and smooth. There were some new interesting psychological insights (previously missed) scenario thoughts following fear/concerns about future. There was more gross Absorbtion in the beginning of the sit rather than the end. The end was marred by intensifying pain in the base of throat, going down into the chest - area. It intensified quite intensely and painfully. There was aversion, despair and hopelessness that Accompanied it. Equanimous in beginning, disappointed, painful at end.
Metta at end.
11/10/12 5m verbal mahamudra noting. 10m+15m vn. 55m vn + 5m mahamudra noting.
11/11/12 5m verbal mahamudra noting 30m vn + 1h vn
The first 30 minutes have been characterized by a quite a potent heaviness, pain in chest. As if something heavy was lying on top of it, not crushing necessarily but over a small area, as if someone REALLY heavy was standing over the affected area (base of throat into the deeper chest) in a heel shoe. Lots of drama in daily life and psychological triggers were recently quite powerfully triggered. Interestingly enough, this changed into the second sit (1h). The heaviness in chest, tightness of throat was much less severe. There were plenty of "worry" thoughts as reflecting current life circumstance, but about 20-30m they faded as well and a calm came over. It was noticeable, but not super powerful. More subtle. Noted "disbelief" quite a few times. Particularily while scanning body in chest, throat area. Doubt and disbelief. For the rest of the sit, calm would abide, occasionally the visual field would mildly flicker. And it persisted to end of sitting.
Metta at end.
11/8/12 45m vn
11/9/12 35m + 1h vn
-- in the beginning (10m mark?) things chilled out a bit and their felt very calm and smooth. There were some new interesting psychological insights (previously missed) scenario thoughts following fear/concerns about future. There was more gross Absorbtion in the beginning of the sit rather than the end. The end was marred by intensifying pain in the base of throat, going down into the chest - area. It intensified quite intensely and painfully. There was aversion, despair and hopelessness that Accompanied it. Equanimous in beginning, disappointed, painful at end.
Metta at end.
11/10/12 5m verbal mahamudra noting. 10m+15m vn. 55m vn + 5m mahamudra noting.
11/11/12 5m verbal mahamudra noting 30m vn + 1h vn
The first 30 minutes have been characterized by a quite a potent heaviness, pain in chest. As if something heavy was lying on top of it, not crushing necessarily but over a small area, as if someone REALLY heavy was standing over the affected area (base of throat into the deeper chest) in a heel shoe. Lots of drama in daily life and psychological triggers were recently quite powerfully triggered. Interestingly enough, this changed into the second sit (1h). The heaviness in chest, tightness of throat was much less severe. There were plenty of "worry" thoughts as reflecting current life circumstance, but about 20-30m they faded as well and a calm came over. It was noticeable, but not super powerful. More subtle. Noted "disbelief" quite a few times. Particularily while scanning body in chest, throat area. Doubt and disbelief. For the rest of the sit, calm would abide, occasionally the visual field would mildly flicker. And it persisted to end of sitting.
Metta at end.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 9 months ago #90394
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
During the second hour (of 11/20 sit) the periods would intersperse the crazy third eye absorbtion and calmness. Lots of mapping thougts would accompany from a "hard" first jhana to a "taste"of 7th jhana (neither perception/nonperception) or even a near miss of Stream Entry. Either way. When verbally noting the absorbtive sensation would intensify but be hard to mainain the verbal note. When switching to silent noting frequently the sensations would subside. Strange. (noted judgement).
The calm during the second hour was marked and settled.
Metta at end.
Andrew
onward.
The calm during the second hour was marked and settled.
Metta at end.
Andrew
onward.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 9 months ago #90395
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
[lost 3 days worth of reports to copy/paste clipboard and buffering]
11/21/12 1h+ 20m vn
11/23/12 1h vn
11/24/12 45m + 1h vn
11/25/12 1h + 45m vn
11/27/12 15m Metta + 2x 1h vn
Sat for 2 hours. First hour was fairly difficult with much heaviness in chest and tightness of throat. Much burning associated with fear, worry and pain. Much discomfort. Occasional bouts of absorbtion starting with pressure on top of head and spreading down the head. Occasional focusing in of eyes and strong absorbtion. This would immediately be followed by a relaxation and release, calmness and cool.
Second hour was filled with absorbtion and pleasurable sensations. It would be hard to investigate because with each focusing in of eyes, a strong absorbtion wave would occur. The descending tingling sensations would be immensely pleasurable occasionally on the right side of head, descending. Mindstates would vary but the sit was characterized by calmness and peace. Even the occasional heaviness would be viewed through a peaceful lens so to speak. There would be some automating and disconnect. Medium amount of scenario thoughts.
The forhead pressure was intense like something was hatching up there, it would connect to the top of head, or front of the top of the head.
During some of the most absorbtive times, the eyes would start to focus in + cross and stay tight, crossed and fluttering for what seconds, this was followed by release, and calm would ensue (some times more than others)
15m of Metta in morning.
Metta at end.
11/21/12 1h+ 20m vn
11/23/12 1h vn
11/24/12 45m + 1h vn
11/25/12 1h + 45m vn
11/27/12 15m Metta + 2x 1h vn
Sat for 2 hours. First hour was fairly difficult with much heaviness in chest and tightness of throat. Much burning associated with fear, worry and pain. Much discomfort. Occasional bouts of absorbtion starting with pressure on top of head and spreading down the head. Occasional focusing in of eyes and strong absorbtion. This would immediately be followed by a relaxation and release, calmness and cool.
Second hour was filled with absorbtion and pleasurable sensations. It would be hard to investigate because with each focusing in of eyes, a strong absorbtion wave would occur. The descending tingling sensations would be immensely pleasurable occasionally on the right side of head, descending. Mindstates would vary but the sit was characterized by calmness and peace. Even the occasional heaviness would be viewed through a peaceful lens so to speak. There would be some automating and disconnect. Medium amount of scenario thoughts.
The forhead pressure was intense like something was hatching up there, it would connect to the top of head, or front of the top of the head.
During some of the most absorbtive times, the eyes would start to focus in + cross and stay tight, crossed and fluttering for what seconds, this was followed by release, and calm would ensue (some times more than others)
15m of Metta in morning.
Metta at end.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 9 months ago #90396
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
11/28/12
15m metta in AM
45m vn
The sit was marked by abscence of the tightness/heaviness at base of neck. This was coupled with disbelief. But the calm and relaxed atmosphere and general ease was marked. Multiple periods of lack of thought and calm, sometimes with tightness in throat (particularily at end) but more often, not. Occasionall absorbtive eyes crossing - level and eye crossing - upwards to top of head. Nothing particularily to report other than life difficulties are abount, fear and worry in daily life has a strong body component (chest burning sensation). It was absent today during the sit.
Metta at end.
15m metta in AM
45m vn
The sit was marked by abscence of the tightness/heaviness at base of neck. This was coupled with disbelief. But the calm and relaxed atmosphere and general ease was marked. Multiple periods of lack of thought and calm, sometimes with tightness in throat (particularily at end) but more often, not. Occasionall absorbtive eyes crossing - level and eye crossing - upwards to top of head. Nothing particularily to report other than life difficulties are abount, fear and worry in daily life has a strong body component (chest burning sensation). It was absent today during the sit.
Metta at end.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 9 months ago #90397
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
11/29/12 45m + 1h vn (50 vn 10m silent noting)
11/30/12 1h
12/1/12 35m+1h vn
Generally mood viscerally 'ok'. Lots of scenario thoughts. Ranging from movie scenario thoughts to analysis of memories. occasional absorptive sensations (pleasant descending wave, pleasant rising energetic jolt). Not much interest in following/intensifying the pleasure, trying to follow what comes up - pleasant as well as unpleasant.
Verbal noting (vn) certainly feels like it improves fidelity of mindfulness throughout sessions.
Metta at end.
12/2/12 2x 1h vn
First sit had another 'ok' quality to it. Motivation, striving were present. Kept noting throughout. Doubt was present. Disappointment as well. Reasonable amount of scenario thoughts, occasionally lost oneself and automated noting, with a subtle scenario thought train in the background.
Second sit filled with anger and frustration (reflecting earlier interactions during the day, and other psychological stirred). There was vibration, there was (much doubt) there was disappointment. Top of head activity/pressure. Less likely to plunge into gross pleasant sensations following a jolt of upward shooting energy. Keepin on keepin on.
Metta at end.
11/30/12 1h
12/1/12 35m+1h vn
Generally mood viscerally 'ok'. Lots of scenario thoughts. Ranging from movie scenario thoughts to analysis of memories. occasional absorptive sensations (pleasant descending wave, pleasant rising energetic jolt). Not much interest in following/intensifying the pleasure, trying to follow what comes up - pleasant as well as unpleasant.
Verbal noting (vn) certainly feels like it improves fidelity of mindfulness throughout sessions.
Metta at end.
12/2/12 2x 1h vn
First sit had another 'ok' quality to it. Motivation, striving were present. Kept noting throughout. Doubt was present. Disappointment as well. Reasonable amount of scenario thoughts, occasionally lost oneself and automated noting, with a subtle scenario thought train in the background.
Second sit filled with anger and frustration (reflecting earlier interactions during the day, and other psychological stirred). There was vibration, there was (much doubt) there was disappointment. Top of head activity/pressure. Less likely to plunge into gross pleasant sensations following a jolt of upward shooting energy. Keepin on keepin on.
Metta at end.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 9 months ago #90398
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
12/3/12 50m mahamudra noting other practices session
12/4/12 45m
12/5/12 45m
12/6/12 30m
... ... ...
12/9/12 1h + 15m + 45m vn
12/10/12 45m vn
Chaos in daily life. External events throwing otherwise ordinary life into turmoil. Meanwhile practice sometimes exacerbates, othertimes calms the craziness. Today (the sit) was remarkably soft/pleasant and calm. Even when normal worry/concern/fear thoughts arose, they did not flood the field of awareness completely and were able to be watched/experienced. Mindstates were predominant in calmness otherwise motivation, compassion and (gentle) effort. Occasional absorbtive dip into some pleasant territory. Occasionally starting with pressure on top of head then crossing of eyes and strong pleasant absorbtion (prob lower jhanas). Occasionally more peripheral pleasant vibrations/tingling and calmness.
Metta at end.
12/4/12 45m
12/5/12 45m
12/6/12 30m
... ... ...
12/9/12 1h + 15m + 45m vn
12/10/12 45m vn
Chaos in daily life. External events throwing otherwise ordinary life into turmoil. Meanwhile practice sometimes exacerbates, othertimes calms the craziness. Today (the sit) was remarkably soft/pleasant and calm. Even when normal worry/concern/fear thoughts arose, they did not flood the field of awareness completely and were able to be watched/experienced. Mindstates were predominant in calmness otherwise motivation, compassion and (gentle) effort. Occasional absorbtive dip into some pleasant territory. Occasionally starting with pressure on top of head then crossing of eyes and strong pleasant absorbtion (prob lower jhanas). Occasionally more peripheral pleasant vibrations/tingling and calmness.
Metta at end.
- Seekr
- Topic Author
12 years 8 months ago #90399
by Seekr
Replied by Seekr on topic RE: Andrew's Practice Thread
12/12/12 45m + 45m vn
12/13/12 1h + 45m vn, 15m metta
12/14/12 30m vn
12/16/12 45
12/17/12 30m
12/18/12 2x15m
12/19/12 50m vn followed by 10m mental noting (mn)
12/20/12 50m vn followed by 10m mn
12/21/12 45m vn. Soft, pleasant lots of Absorbtion.
12/22/12 45m vn
12/26/12 1h vn
12/27/12 1h vn
12/28/12 1h vn
12/29/12 45m vn
12/30/12 1h + 45m vn
12/31/12
1/1/13 1h + 45m vn
1/2/12 2x 1h
.
1/1 Second sit was filled with the sweetest vibing sensations. The whole thing was pleasant, absorbtion seemed to pull attention into itself. It was so good, mind intuitively resisted the strongest urges, deeming it too pleasant for appropriate insight territory (noted).
1/2 Second sit was D-U-K-H-A. Well not all, but the flavor was filled with doubt, fear and worry. Occasional absorbtion would pull in, but more grose, eyes would focus in and body sensations were more gross (as opposed to fine). Occasional there were periods of relaxation and peace, but few. At the very end (55m?) there was some open, calm state but I wasn't sure if I didn't manipulate into it, as there was much mapping and analysis thoughts throughout the sit.
Goin' for it or BUST!
Metta at end.
12/13/12 1h + 45m vn, 15m metta
12/14/12 30m vn
12/16/12 45
12/17/12 30m
12/18/12 2x15m
12/19/12 50m vn followed by 10m mental noting (mn)
12/20/12 50m vn followed by 10m mn
12/21/12 45m vn. Soft, pleasant lots of Absorbtion.
12/22/12 45m vn
12/26/12 1h vn
12/27/12 1h vn
12/28/12 1h vn
12/29/12 45m vn
12/30/12 1h + 45m vn
12/31/12
1/1/13 1h + 45m vn
1/2/12 2x 1h
.
1/1 Second sit was filled with the sweetest vibing sensations. The whole thing was pleasant, absorbtion seemed to pull attention into itself. It was so good, mind intuitively resisted the strongest urges, deeming it too pleasant for appropriate insight territory (noted).
1/2 Second sit was D-U-K-H-A. Well not all, but the flavor was filled with doubt, fear and worry. Occasional absorbtion would pull in, but more grose, eyes would focus in and body sensations were more gross (as opposed to fine). Occasional there were periods of relaxation and peace, but few. At the very end (55m?) there was some open, calm state but I wasn't sure if I didn't manipulate into it, as there was much mapping and analysis thoughts throughout the sit.
Goin' for it or BUST!
Metta at end.