Nikolai's Practice notes, Phase .2.

Hi Chris,

Well, for me (so far) it is the pulling, pushing and subtle shifting about of the mind's attention on what ever it is observing. It is easily seen for me when I observe a visual object in front of me. I can notice how when I look at it, the focus on the object shifts back and forth subtly, creating this kind of subtle "wobbly" effect in perception. There seems to be an uncontrollable movement of the attention over the object shifting in and out of focus, seeing parts of it rather than the whole thing with 100% clarity. The wave also seems to be what influences the shifting of attention away from the object onto other things like thoughts, mind states or sensations. It can be seen to be manipulated in jhanas with the attention shifting into specific patterns corresponding to the jhanas ie eye focus and sensations focused on.

This constant shifting about is the attention wave in action. When in a PCE, it is obvious how influential the attention wave is, because in its absence there is no shifting about of the attention at all. Jhanas can't be accessed either, however, the eyes still focus the way they would when in jhana, just none of that segregating of specific sensations as occurs in jhanas,

When I shift to PCE mode, there is an obvious drop in the surging energy from the head downwards, which I have always equated to being the cause of the arising of different strata of mind (nanas/jhanas). In a PCE, the (kundalini?) energy (subtle energetic vibrations that are felt at the chakra spots) drops down the body, all the way to the hara spot where it sits while the mind and perception is in PCE mode. There is no interference at all in attention. Absolutely no disruption in focus and perception while in PCE mode. When an object is looked at, it is seen with an amazing clarity, and no subtle shifting back and forward of attention occurs. This makes for visual perception to be extremely clean and clear.

It also seems the whole process of evaluating and judging what is perceived occurs because of that attention wave too...I have always thought that the energy which surges up and down the body has been at the heart of the reactive mind and the arising of emotions, this idea comes from way back when practicing within the Goenka tradtion. Now it seems more obvious that this attention wave is perhaps this very energy which influences what is paid attention as well as influencing the mind's tendency to evaluate, judge and react to sensations. Becasue in its absence, there is none of that sequence. Just seeing phenomena without any evaluation. .

It's hard to explain it perfectly yet. I'm working on it. So forgive the rushed explanation. but essentially for me it is the energy/wave that pulls, pushes and shifts the mind's attention within the body and mind. I have equated it to affective feeling too only because in a PCE that distorting wave is not there, and neither are any affective feelings. More exploration needed me thinks.

Hi Chris,

I just thought of another way to see it. When I would watch a round kasina object, the attention would shift about. The kasina would appear and disappear, changes colours. Part of the kasina would be in focus and other parts not. THis is the attention wave in action. At times, in the past I would have a moment of perfect clarity with the kasina object. This seemed to be when the distorting attention wave dropped away for several brief moments. The kasina would appear shining and brilliantly clear. This makes me think that the mind had briefly entered a PCE, because in those moments, there is JUST the kasina. No diverting of attention anywhere else, not even to a sense of self. I am specualting that is what was happening. Becasue when in PCE mode, objects appear as they are, no wobbly effect, they are pristine, colours are pristine, things are seen as "beautifully as they are". No distortion nor judging, not paying attention to parts of them etc.

Also, I have a feeling that the attention wave has the specific pattern of making the mind register the centrepoint of self, at the back of the head or the Witness at the back of the head. I say this because in a PCE there is none of this. That is why it seems there is absolutely no sense of self in a PCE. The attention wave is not causing that centrepoint to be paid attention to.

"When an object is looked at, it is seen with an amazing clarity, and no subtle shifting back and forward of attention occurs. This makes for visual perception to be extremely clean and clear"

Research into the biology and physiology of human perception indicates that it is impossible for us to focus our eyes squarely and solidly on any object. Our eyes automatically scan the object over and over and over, up, down, back and forth, with great rapidity. So if we pay attention objects seem to wiggle, quiver, bounce around, fluctuate, and so on. This squares up with what you describe of the attention wave. It does not,however, square up with what you describe of the PCE.

So, IMHO, one interesting avenue to explore in this area would be just what about the PCE makes things *appear* to be so solid, in violation of what we know about how human visual perception works? Alternatively, is the PCE actually changing the human nervous system so that one can focus squarely and solidly for a long time on just one object? One hypothesis I would offer up related to the second possibility is that what is being observed is not the raw sensate experience of the object but some other mental image or construct. Of course, who knows? This would have to be tested under a rigorous regime.

"THis is the attention wave in action."

I think that's your physiology in action

Yes, I agree. It seems very connected with how the body is set up.

Nice investigation, Nick, great reporting. I've been thinking of this in terms of lenses:

-Soft filter lens
-Prism
-Direct lens or perhaps polarized lens

People who don't meditate see the world through a soft lens. Things seem solid, but fuzzy with low resolution.

With meditation, you look through the prism and become a master of distinctions. Things seem particulate or wave-like. You see the various colors of the prism (jhanas and nanas), you can bend one part of the mind back upon another to create interference patterns and illuminate various aspects of the wave. Experience can be vibratory. You can look into questions like "who am I," or "what is consciousness," or "what is awareness." The prism is the realm of the meditation master.

With the direct lens, experience is whole. Questions of self or awareness don't seem relevant. The deeper you go into direct mode, the simpler things get, until even thought is seen as a subtle energetic disturbance. The emotional or somatic charge must be let go to even approach direct mode. The wax no longer breaks off in the lava lamp. There is no "shrink wrapping" (thanks Chuck Kasmire for the phrase), so the experience is whole while still being dynamic.

In direct mode, it is possible for the first time to clearly see tanha, lobha, dosa, and moha. The tendency of the mind to avoid pain, which has been so spectacularly unsuccessful when applied at the more superficial layers of experience is *absolutely* successful when applied to the root pain. The root pain is tanha, as the Buddha said. To see tanha in any given moment is to drop it like a hot coal, thereby ending suffering in that moment.

I think of tanha as feeling "bent" or held under tension, like a bent tree branch. When you feel the pain of bentness, you release it, allowing the branch to move naturally with the breeze.

(cont)

Anticipating the question, yes, it appears that there is a natural development from soft filter lens to prism lens to direct perception lens. It is not possible to see tanha, the root of suffering except in the direct mode, so as I see it, direct mode is enlightenment as described by the Buddha.

It is more than a little interesting to note that most of what has been written about enlightenment, e.g., insight into awareness and consciousness, special abilities, unitive experiences, etc., fits squarely into the prism mode of experience, largely ignoring direct mode.

If, as seems likely or even obvious, spiritual attainment exists on a bell curve, this should not surprise us; most of what we hear about enlightenment comes from the thick part of the curve. Bernadette Roberts discusses this at length in her three books, especially The Path to No-Self. We have not heard much from those who made it all the way to stability in direct mode for a variety of reasons, not least of which is that most people don't get that far.

If you are reading this and speculating about how great it would be to stabilize in direct mode, don't be in too much of a hurry. What you are imagining enlightenment to be is most likely coming from your projections about and/or experiences with prism mode. In any case, for most people it will not be possible to stabilize in direct mode without having thoroughly mastered prism mode, and here at this website and in this community is a wealth of support for that project. So fantasize about direct mode if you must, but please continue with 1st Gear practices until the level of 4th Path and beyond!

"
I think of tanha as feeling "bent" or held under tension, like a bent tree branch. When you feel the pain of bentness, you release it, allowing the branch to move naturally with the breeze."

That is a great way of describing what happens, Kenneth. When I ask myself: "Am I suffering in this very moment?" There is an immediate refocusing and readjusting of perception directly to the cause of the suffering felt, which will be a sensation somewhere in the body (funnily enough for me usually always at the solar plexus, heart and throat areas. However also now at the third eye recently too.) There seems to be, as you say, a feeling of those sensations being tensely "held' by the mind. As soon as this tension is seen, it is released and the sensations which were triggering that "holding" are seen as just unjudged sensations. And immediately tanha ie suffering is dropped like a hot coal. When I do this long enough, then that pure consciousness experience of truly "seeing in seeing", "hearing and hearing", "feeling (sensations) in feeling" occurs, without even a centre point of self arising and passing. I think this is what the Buddha was talking about too. You truly are getting to the very heart, root cause of misery. And that is buddhism 101.
PCE's seem so effortless to bring up, it seems hard to believe someone didn't take this all the way beforehand.

Clarification about something I wrote earlier: the feeling of being bent, which I referred to as tanha, is actually what I associate with dukkha. Tanha, on the other hand is the *cause* of the "bentness;" it is the tendency of the mind, however subtle, to avoid the current experience. Lobha (greed) and dosa (aversion) are aspects of tanha. And moha (dullness or delusion) is the great enabler. We are only able to sustain ourselves in suffering because we are too dull to see how much it hurts.

Hi Nick,

Yes, the more I look around, the more I am able to find references to the direct mode, beginning with the Pali suttas and the Four Noble Truths. Gil Fronsdal points out that the Pali grammar also allows for the translation "The Four Truths of the Noble Ones." This is telling; you can only see tanha clearly and continuously *after* you are enlightened. Before that, as Chelek (Chuck Kasmire) says, "we mentally project a coal and then try to let go of that instead. I don't think one can even get a sense of what the coal really is until after 4th path."

In fact, this kind of gradual excavation is a very helpful thing to do, and every time you let go of another layer of suffering, it's all good. But the point remains that to cut suffering off at its very root is the goal of Buddhism and only the most advanced yogis are able to do it.

You wrote: "PCE's seem so effortless to bring up, it seems hard to believe someone didn't take this all the way beforehand." I think of the PCE as a subset of direct mode; it's valuable, but not the point. The point is the end of suffering, while descriptions of the PCE point to what it can feel like when you aren't suffering. Maybe it is intended as a practice modality as well, hoping to cultivate it until it sticks. I doubt this will work for most people, though. In order to see tanha at its root, you must make the mind and body transparent in real time. The best way I know to do that is to note the four foundations of mindfulness until the level of 4th Path.

Continued from above...

With Owen's advice, I have been able to shift all my focus to each sense as it's experienced. Say the eyes for example. Instead of allowing the attention to shift back into the brain to cause the mentioned sequence to occur, all attention is shifted to the "edge" of the eyes as the visual objects are looked at. This cuts out that sequence of evaluation and mental reaction. There is just the pristine visual experience. And shortly after I will find myself in a PCE. The same process can be done with all the senses. Seems to work best for me with the eyes and the ears. With the ears, all attention is shifted to the edge of the eardrums. That is where all sound seems to register.

You can experiment and see how the attention shifts to within the brain at some spot in the middle when you let the attention do as it will, or rather what i speculate to be the attention wave shifting the attention there to start the sequence of evaluation and reaction. You can see the process happen when you have a negative crappy sensation come up in the body, say, for example, the heart chakra. You can see how the attention seems to shift to the brain and back to the sensation, brain and back, and each time it turns inwards to the spot in the brain, craving and aversion arise depending on the evaluation. And thus the process of self-contraction occurs. The emotions and affective feelings really seem to be that self-contraction. My feelings are "me". "I" am my feelings. Because there ain't no self-contraction nor affective feeling in direct perception mode. That is cut out.

More things are coming to the surface. More seemingly new insights into self-contraction. Like Owen, i have been experiencing my default state shifting ever so close to the PCE itself. Right on the border. Suffice to say, there is more peace and calm in my life than before. Relationships, especially with my fiance, have improved. I'm no longer being a reactionary arsehole (which could still occur post-4th path although for very short periods). A great achievement!

One thing I have seen, with the help of Owen, is that there seems to only be self-contraction when there is a looking and turning inward of the mind's attention. What do i mean by this? When I look with the eyes, there is initially just a pure visual experience of the visual without anything added to it; a pristine pure conscious moment. Then what seems to happen, is that the attention will shift to the middle of the brain as I am observing the visual object, and an image of that object is projected in the mind, given a name, conceptualized, and evaluated. Depending on the object or situation being observed, the evaluation could be neutral, unpleasant or pleasant and then a whole onslaught of mental thought patterns arise, and a pull to react either further mentally by rolling in those thoughts, verbally to say something or physically to do something with the body.

Continued from above...

My current practice is to re-orient the mind now and then with the questions : "How am I experiencing this moment of being alive?" and "Am "I" suffering in this very moment?, "Is there some self-contraction occurring?". I also shake it up now and then with "Let's pay the toll!". I have also added a new thing to say which orients the mind in such a way to remain in direct perception mode at the very "edges" of the senses. That is saying "Forward!'. This helps remind me to see with the edges of the eyes. It is interesting to see that the tendency of the mind is to jump quickly back into the middle of the brain to start the evaluation process of what is being looked at. But with this reminder of "Forward!" the perception stays put with pure conciousness without any mental additions. Because when there are additions, there is a "dulling" of what is being looked at. The attention wave seemingly in action. "Forward" seems to be the only way to cut off the self-contraction. Pondering on the self-contraction just causes more self-contraction. The attention turning back on itself is the self-contraction occurring, and turning back to look at self-contraction is just more self-contraction. The only way out of this siffering is to go forward, not backward. Forward to the pure conscious experience of the senses. Just the seeing in the seen, the feeling in the felt (sensations). I hope I am making sense.. This seems to be exactly what the Buddha taught. As far as I'm concerned, this is Buddhism 101. Coming out of suffering! To end this suffering for good, is to end the self-contraction. And that self-contraction seems very much related to the attention wave/sense of being.

This is all occurring to me in the past few days and they feel like big insights. We'll see how it plays out.

Continued from above...

If you investigate self-contraction it seems you are chasing your tail as looking for the self-contraction is turning inwards to look and evaluate and THIS is the self-contraction itself. If all attention is given to the the bodily conciousnesses (salayatana- sight, smell, sound, taste and touch) as they arise, then this mentioned sequence does not occur. And this really is dealing directly with the chain of dependent origination. From what I can gather, at 4th path, we are given the tools to be able to see all of this with great ease (if inclined to that is). Without the ignorance of this self-contraction, we are able to choose to cut it off at the root and thus not suffer. THis is what is happening with the PCE. The PCE is pure apperception. And with pure apperception, there is no self-contraction. THere is just the pure consciousness experiences of the senses. Just the seeing in the seen. Just the hearing in the heard. Just the feeling (sensations) in the felt. The self-contraction, the twisting inwards to evaluate and section off experience (which still occurs post -4th path , but can be easily seen if the yogi is so inclined) is what is causing suffering. It "seems" to be related to the attention wave/sense of being/kundalini energy. More exploration is needed.

"Then what seems to happen, is that the attention will shift to the middle of the brain as I am observing the visual object"

Nickolay, yes! That is exactly what is happening to me, and I mentioned this in my practice thread --- my focus is pulled back into the middle of the brain, over and over again, a few times every second.

In this place in the middle of the brain, there is this maddening fluttering. It is the fluttering that is seen at the "sweet spot." It can push, it can pull, and it can distort stuff (aversion, craving, ignorance). For me it is associated with a lot of pain, and is somehow correlated with the various distortions that happen in the visual field [1], but also in cognition and other mental functioning [2]. It was by focusing at this spot I got the first two paths. This process seems to be held in place by a tension of some sort, which has only ever been released momentarily during fruitions (and not all fruitions, only the most powerful, although a fruition always relaxes this area); the tension is "behind" the pulsing, somehow. Does this, phenomenologically, ring a bell to you?

In either case, I suppose that the sweet-spot fluttering is completely gone without a trace during your PCEs?

[1] To be more specific, what happens is that the most prominent vibrations that distort the visual field are "synched" to this pulsing.
[2] For instance, each "blinking" in this fluttering might initiate an obsessive thought process, or steal away energy from some specific cognition happening in the brain. Which is very disrupting, since the fluttering happens pretty much all of the time.

Downsides?

"
Downsides?

"

Hey Chris,
For me it can be a pretty rough transition sometimes. Overall this feels like 2nd path style energy patterns are getting worked out, that bit isn't any fun. It can bring up a lot of existential fears and will expose the self-contraction in full force, which is painful. But once I swap over into direct mode it is like waking up after being stuck in a nightmare. The other thing I've noticed, which might be of some help, is that if I'm grounded in the present in the body, the self-contraction can't seem to arise. It is as if even admitting the possibility of a past or a future is enough to unleash it.

Downsides?

No, there haven't been any downsides, Chris. I would say the complete opposite. I'm getting so much peace of mind out of this, and it's spilling over into all parts of my life. Even though, I suffer less after 4th path compared to pre-path, "I" still suffer to a certain degree, just as you know, in a different 4th path way. But "I" do not suffer when in direct perception mode at all. There really isn't even a temporary empty self (sensations) that causes trouble.

Perhaps, when I am not in direct perception mode/ PCE, there are the voices of self-contraction which cry out for survival. They are bloody painful in a very obvious way now. Craving and aversion have become too hot and burning to hold. There is no ignorance of that burning now so I cannot avoid it. Thus the suffering it entails appears to have been heightened to a certain degree due to it becoming ever so clear. That may be a downside for some but it spurs me on to come out of suffering/self-contraction completely. Any self-contraction is a step into suffering. It just becomes blatantly clear. There is no stress when there is no "you".

"Then, Bahiya, you should train yourself thus: In reference to the seen, there will be only the seen. In reference to the heard, only the heard. In reference to the sensed, only the sensed. In reference to the cognized, only the cognized. That is how your should train yourself. When for you there will be only the seen in reference to the seen, only the heard in reference to the heard, only the sensed in reference to the sensed, only the cognized in reference to the cognized, then, Bahiya, ***there is no you in terms of that. When there is no you in terms of that, there is no you there***. When there is no you there, you are neither here nor yonder nor between the two. ***This, just this, is the end of stress.***" buddhasutra.com/files/bahiya_sutta.htm

"
"

Bruno asked "Does this, phenomenologically, ring a bell to you?"

Yes, it sounds like we are talking about the same very thing. )

Bruno asked "In either case, I suppose that the sweet-spot fluttering is completely gone without a trace during your PCEs?"

Yes, this seems to be the case. There are only the senses as they arise. There is no flipping back and forth to that "sweet spot" to judge, evaluate, and react with craving or aversion. That is why there is so much peace in it, and why yogis seem to be giving it so much prestige. Direct perception mode cuts out suffering. Suffering is the self-contraction, the desires, which are the emotions/sankharas. Maybe Goenka was right after all. Hehe!


P.S. I probably should not say things in an absolute way. My opinion could change at the drop of a hat. All of what I've written is my personal experience and interpretation.

"Perhaps, when I am not in direct perception mode/ PCE, there are the voices of self-contraction which cry out for survival. They are bloody painful in a very obvious way now. Craving and aversion have become too hot and burning to hold. There is no ignorance of that burning now so I cannot avoid it. Thus the suffering it entails appears to have been heightened to a certain degree due to it becoming ever so clear. That may be a downside for some but it spurs me on to come out of suffering/self-contraction completely. Any self-contraction is a step into suffering. It just becomes blatantly clear. There is no stress when there is no "you"."


You're describing a negative feedback loop that auto-reinforces itself. Since I've not been doing this practice I can't comment other that to say that's what it appears to be and I'd be careful to make sure it's reversible. I'm curious about the effects you're encountering.

Kenneth reported at one point that he felt "simpler" due to this practice. Do you, Nick or Owen, feel that way? Do you notice any issues related to making decisions, sense of urgency about things you care about or used to care about, and things in that regard? One thing that concerns me is that you guys are jumping into something that is not very well known and not proven at the level that, oh, let's say even the Theravada 4 path model is proven. That's why I'm content to wait to see what Kenneth's experiment reveals over the longer term, as measured in months or maybe even years. It's possible that there are downsides we don't know about that don't show up until this practice has been used for some longer period of time.

Feel free to dismiss me as an old, risk averse fuddy duddy, but from my perspective, with a family and a career that I need to maintain, caution might be in order on this one.

Also --

"Craving and aversion have become too hot and burning to hold." -- Nick

No one has yet described what this means in detail. Can one of you try, please? I assume you're using the words "hot" and "burning" metaphorically? If so what is the thought or sensation you are experiencing that causes you to use those words?

I'm concerned as well, Chris. As someone who is going into the mental health field, a lot of the descriptions of PCE/DM style practice raise a lot of red flags. Particularly the fact that it seems to result in reduced - or perhaps, eliminated - affect. I fail to see how a life with perma-blunted emotions is tantamount to an end of suffering. Trust me, guys - it isn't good to f*** with your emotions. Let them be. Regressing on purpose, and then staying there, is no way to treat your personal psychology. It will not thank you. (Yes, I see the PCE/DM practice as a sort of intentional regression.)

Also, this whole "self in the middle of the head" thing seems bogus to me. A self-sense can project to myriad perceived locations. Your own intentions and expectations play a major role in where this enemy appears. It not a problem unless you make it a problem. And if you make it a problem, further problems - REAL problems - may result.

Last I checked, 4th path was supposed to be the end of seeking; the end of "insight disease." I'm puzzled by the number of so-called 4th pathers who continue to seek with such conviction, such gusto. What is the force behind the need to stay on the treadmill? For god's sake, guys. Life isn't THAT bad, is it?

I know I'm not anyone's teacher. But if I was, I would advise the hardcore PCE'ers to take a week off. Just stop, and see if things are really so bad without it.

The irrational exuberance for this practice is confusing to me. I don't get it.

~Jackson

Yeah, I feel simpler. About the only issue I have is if I'm suffering or not. BTW, my previous post was just talking about when I'm not in PCE/direct mode. It does tend to make suffering stand out in high relief.

I do notice a few differences when I'm in PCE mode:

1. I feel extraordinary awake, but not at all jittery. Things just seem very clear and real.

2. I don't care about anything that isn't actually happening now. Past and future seem only slightly more real than Batman. This is making me more careful to set reminders on the phone that go beep.

3. I won't lie, the lack of affect can make me seem somewhat spooky. I had no idea how much of human communication was about reading emotions on peoples faces.
When people try and get into arguments with me and read my reactions they don't get much to go on. I imagine it is uncomfortable for them.
I've caught my reflection in PCE mode a few times and my expression isn't flat, but I get this little half smile that I find rather beautiful. Hard to explain. On the upside though, people seem more drawn to me. Good vibes I guess.

And I don't think you are a risk averse fuddy duddy. You are one of the folks I respect most on this board. You are right, this experiment is a big deal and there are real ramifications to my life if it sticks. But from what I've seen of it so far, I want this as my default setting. I'm happy to be the canary.

"I won't lie, the lack of affect can make me seem somewhat spooky. I had no idea how much of human communication was about reading emotions on peoples faces.
When people try and get into arguments with me and read my reactions they don't get much to go on. I imagine it is uncomfortable for them. " ~Owen

See, this concerns the hell out of me. What about other people? Is any state experience worth disturbing or frustrating your relationships with people you care about? Communication is mostly about emotional connection. You have to feel something to convey that you care. Lacking empathy is a symptom of psychosis, as well as dissociation. Bad news bears.

I just don't get why this makes for a good 'default' state. It's puzzling.

Anyways, I guess now my opinion is out there, whatever it's worth.