Ego-grasping is like a phantom limb

I read something about phantom limbs the other day, and it reminded me of how the self-contraction operates. Briefly stated, phantom limb syndrome occurs when a limb (arm or leg, or even a finger or toe) is removed, but the person still experiences sensations as if it were there. One may have an itch on their ankle, but no ankle. While part of their mind clearly recognizes that no ankle is there, another part of the brain clearly thinks there is an ankle there, and that it has an itch. Otherwise this sort of projection would not occur.

Comparing that to "ego"... Through meditation we gain some deep experiential insights into the nature of this illusory sense of separation. Although it has some practical functions, it is really a complete fabrication. And yet, for most people this projection remains. There are parts of our brains that still believe we are separate beings, regardless of how deep our insight has penetrated our brain/psyche.

As one could imagine, an amputee who acts as though their leg is there when it really isn't

could be in some serious danger if they attempt to take a step. In the same way, carrying on as though we are skin-encapsulated egos tends to get us in to trouble a lot of the time (but not always - it isn't a perfect 1 to 1 analogy).

I didn't take a lot of time to think this through, but what do you guys think?

Very clever, I think you should develop this idea more.

The best part of this analogy is that the phantom limb phenomenon in one sense is just fabricated out of whole cloth moment by moment but in another sense is based upon cognitive patterns and memory and genetics and probably evolutionary factors -- just like self contraction. And, still, it seems completely real.

This is the way it looks to me, though I've never thought of the phantom limb analogy.

Sometimes I think of my brain as having paintbrushes because it takes what is already happening for real and by making broad or narrow strokes of different colors and moods of paint it constantly creates the complete fabrication that is both my ego and my ego's false picture of the world.

With this "paint" the brain covers up actual reality ... fabricates a new version. This is going on all the time.

I agree with Mike Monson: you should take this idea further. It resonates.

Hi ya'll, been a while since I posted here, but coming back, there's just so much good stuff! Here's hoping I can make myself more of a regular.

In any case, this brings to mind an article I read in a local paper recently. Thought it might provide some fuel for "further development"...

http://www.portlandtribune.com/news/story.php?story_id=131301098180713000

Holy cow, Ian. That was really interesting!

It relates to what I was learning in my Human Growth and Development class last night. My professor was talking about implicit and explicit cognitive processing, learning, and behavior. Without going into details, it would seem that using mirrors to make it appear as though the body has two healthy limbs is received by processes that conscious awareness is not privy to. These "modules" of mind must react/respond when the missing limb is apprehended visually. Even if modules of the conscious mind are aware that there's a mirror there, and that the limb is still missing, the module regulating the pain is getting information from sight, and adjusting its reaction/response accordingly (I'm not good at speaking neuro-psych language; this all seems really clumsy, but I hope what I'm saying is coming across).

I wonder how much of what occurs during insight practices occurs in this way. We can know with our conscious mind all day long that thoughts are not "me", and the body is not "me", etc. But there's something about looking and seeing things in a certain way that allows modules which are behind the scenes to alter their functions. This is why we can't just wake ourselves up with intention. We can only use intention to observe the right stuff. Seeing the right stuff allows new information to feed into the loops that perpetuate the status quo. Thus, awakening is through observing which leads to wisdom, and that wisdom is what leads to letting go - something we can't "do" the same way we can intentionally observe.

Thoughts?

How much wisdom do we need to "let go?" In other words, how much do we need to know to be able to let go enough to be free or awake?

Or, do we need to "let go" in order finally see things in a new and fresh enough way to have wisdom/insight?

Isn't a life-changing letting go the result of some kind of abject surrender in the face of complete confusion/ignorance?

This helps me to think about why I'm not practicing in the same way right now in the same ways I used to. No matter how good my intentions were otherwise, I see now that anytime I ever did anything that I consciously intended to be "practice" I was always projecting some ideas of what I wanted to happen onto my experience -- creating a layer of expectation and delusion onto my living of my life. This because I so wanted practice to give me certain things -- freedom from my low self esteem, freedom from my discomfort as a person in the world, an elimination of all my compulsive behaviors, etc. (I'm talking about spiritual bypassing here). Now, I have no idea if any of you are doing this as well and I really doubt it so look at what I am saying as probably relating only to me and not as a description of spiritual practice in general for all humans.

So, for me right now, I'm not trying to see anything in particular or do anything in particular. As much as possible I am refraining from the impulse to do anything about myself, to change myself, to change my experience of life, to become anything else. I'm done, this is it right here -- no more improvements, no practice. It's not easy, but just keeping it in mind has really brought me back down to earth.

Even if modules of the conscious mind are aware that there's a mirror
there, and that the limb is still missing, the module regulating the
pain is getting information from sight, and adjusting its
reaction/response accordingly

Makes sense to me! If the pain is not cause by something our conscious mind can recognize, it makes sense that we'd have to use a non-conscious method to communicate with the "module" that is causing the pain!

I think this is why shamanic/magic rituals can have such a strong effect as well, it's using a different language to communicate with a part of our psyche that isn't rational/logical/conscious...

Seeing the right stuff allows new information to feed into the loops that perpetuate the status quo.

As good a definition of "karma" as I've ever heard.

awakening is through observing which leads to wisdom, and that wisdom is
what leads to letting go - something we can't "do" the same way we can
intentionally observe.

This, though, is new to me. I really like the way you take "intention" out of the picture, relegating it only to the intention to observe, rather than the intention to wake up. I've always thought that the intention to wake up was key, but it makes more sense to me that the intention to see things as they are would cut through any wrong assumptions about what "waking up" was, leaving me only with the intention to see what actually is. Thanks for that!

(Mike, I wrote the above before I read your comment, but I think we're on the same page! I totally want things from my practice as well, and its totally getting in my way!)

Ian and Mike - I think it's normal to want things from practice. Why else would we ever bother practicing? There has to be some motivation, otherwise why not just watch television? When I first started meditating, I had a huge agenda. I wanted to meditate so that the next time I had to watch someone die I wouldn't be so scared and horrified.

Point being though, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting things from practice, as long as we make the wanting things the object of our practice, too. In other words, you can watch the breath or watch the thoughts or note the three characteristics or whatever method you are doing. But you have to do that to the wanting, the wishing, the hoping, the desire - every single thing that is going on in your mind.

My teacher was fond of annoying me by responding to any despair or frustration by saying "more fodder for the meditation machine!" and I think that is so true we can't even imagine how true it is.

We tend to think meditation is supposed to be about having a certain kind of experience or feeling bliss states or going through a particular pattern of inner experience. What it's really about, in my opinion, is applying that sharp observing eye to *everything* that comes by.

Another teacher once gave me the tip that "every moment is equally worthy of mindfulness" and that just reinforces, for me, the same lesson. Whether you are having an itchy eye, a pissed off moment, body tensions, joy, rage, longing, frustration, sullenness, being hungry for lunch, hugging your partner, wiping your ass or getting a mosquito bite - every one of those moments is perfectly perfect fodder for meditation.

Do that, and the rest takes care of itself.

"How much wisdom do we need to "let go?" In other words, how much do
we need to know to be able to let go enough to be free or awake?
Or, do we need to "let go" in order finally see things in a new and fresh enough way to have wisdom/insight?

Isn't a life-changing letting go the result of some kind of abject surrender in the face of complete confusion/ignorance?"

One last babbling gasp before I go to sleep:

I think the answer to a) is not much because b) yes and c) not quite. "Abject" implies resistance to surrender. "Confusion" is resistance to not knowing. Accepting that you can't know, don't know and there's no knowing is surrender. Not knowing doesn't have to be confusion. Not knowing can be wonder, awe, openness, and the mind of a child - just gazing without needing to know, allowing everything to do its thing and be what it is.

Peace, sweet dreams, more rambling tomorrow.

"Accepting that you can't know, don't know and there's no knowing is
surrender. Not knowing doesn't have to be confusion. Not knowing can be
wonder, awe, openness, and the mind of a child - just gazing without
needing to know, allowing everything to do its thing and be what it is."

Agreed, Ona: 'surrender' is just letting go, opening your grip. The Zen folks are fond of admonishing practitioners not to add unnecessary things to plain reality-- not 'abject', not 'confusion', not wanting and not wanting, acceptable and unacceptable.

Of course, the 'tails' side of that coin is that 'childlike', 'awe', 'wonder' can be seen as unnecessary additions, too. Zen severity is not necessarily everyone's cup of green tea.

Morning spew:

@kate, it's true it's adding. But the use of the adjectives clarifies how many ways "surrender" can be thought of no? The sense in which you resentfully give up in the face of overwhelming odds or fear is quite different than the sense in which you just relax and don't worry about where something will lead. Sort of about trust, too. No? Yes?

The confusion part struck me because it's something I've dealt with a lot, a sort of frustration that I can't understand how things work and why and when and what if.... And that for me always seemed to come back around to wanting to be in control of things. If I could just have enough intellectual information, I tended to think, I would know enough to feel safe letting go. But there is no amount of intellectual information that can help in those contexts - so it comes back around to accepting "not knowing" - and then that means letting go of wanting to be in control of everything.

@ Mike: you said

"I see now that anytime I ever did anything that I consciously
intended to be "practice" I was always projecting some ideas of what I
wanted to happen onto my experience -- creating a layer of expectation
and delusion onto my living of my life. This because I so wanted
practice to give me certain things -- freedom from my low self esteem,
freedom from my discomfort as a person in the world, an elimination of
all my compulsive behaviors, etc. (I'm talking about spiritual bypassing
here). Now, I have no idea if any of you are doing this as
well and I really doubt it so look at what I am saying as probably
relating only to me and not as a description of spiritual practice in
general for all humans."

Personally my practice was absolutely about wanting things. I think that's human, and few people do not have that "problem" and more people have it but haven't noticed (yet). I mentioned my agenda about wanting to be able to cope with death. That was my agenda for a year or so, while I was still really shaken by death. Then I heard about pragmatic dharma and I thought "Crap, that's my goal, I wanna be enlightened!" and that drove me like a mad thing for a long while. But then there were tons of layers of other wants: wanting meditation to feel good, wanting it to be exciting, wanting it to fill my need to have a project to work on that I could get done on a deadline and hand in and get a gold star. Wanting to be liked by my teacher - I was the A student, doing everything I could to get praise from parents and teachers as a kid, and never realized how much that attitude was such a big part of how I made decisions even when it was detrimental to my own best interests. And on and on....

What I think one of the great benefits of practice is is exactly what you said - finally seeing that we have these agendas. Because we spend most of our lives not even aware we have these other intentions, reacting blindly to situations without seeing the triggers and habits that are influencing our behavior. Realizing we have these agendas is not a failure to practice correctly. It is a fruit of practice. It's recognizing the pattern of grasping and aversion. If we don't recognize that, we can't do anything about it. Once recognized, we are in a great place to add that to our practice, noticing each agenda as it pops up. Noticed clearly and for long enough, the power of those agendas begins to weaken, and the tree produces yet more fruit.

Thoughts?

@Ona.

My post was intended to be about spiritual bypassing.

I'm not talking about how practice exposes agendas, grasping, wanting, etc. in the usual, general way, but my specific case of avoiding actual work on my mental health issues with the idea that if I did certain "practices" I'd magically start to like myself, I'd instantly find myself comfortable in social settings, I'd eliminate all my damaging compulsive behaviors (they are many and many of them have been quite damaging), and I'd have so much insight and wisdom I'd always know exactly the best thing to do.

I'm talking about bypassing actually dealing with all my difficult parts by watching my breath, by synching up with my sensations and having fruitions, and by learning how to have equanimity. What I'm saying here is that that doesn't work for me. No way. I could feel like shit (or like a shit), sit down, get to equanimity, synch up, fruition, have that "reboot" effect, and then get up from the chair walk out my bedroom door and .... feel like shit in exactly the same way I did when I sat down 40 minutes earlier.

Of course, I had to practice to see that what I wanted from practice was impossible.

Interesting.

What are you going to do now?

Interesting.
What are you going to do now?

-ona

I'm exploring what it's like to not do anything about myself.

I'm not being flippant. I'm getting out of the habit of looking looking looking at myself and doing doing doing stuff to change who I am and how I experience life. As much as possible I'm arriving at each moment with no program, no practice, no self improvement agenda.

I'm meditating here and there, but not as much and not compulsively at all.

Of course within that context I'm still looking, reflecting, thinking ... because that's what I do and it's okay, I love it.

Sounds really good to me, Mike-- you GO.

Not that my opinion is at all relevant-- which is what is so excellent.