Help, i'm furious!

Hi everyone!

I have been feeling quite miserable and wondered if you could help me...

Well, I have been sitting everyday for last 4 or 5 months now, trying to meditate. Always short periods, like 10, 15 minutes.

Things were fine untill I started to feel more and more agitated during meditation and it eventually has turned into anger.

It has got so bad that I now feel anger most of the time, sitting or not, and sitting has become very difficult, almost impossible, as I stay there fighting myself and the sensation nothing is working at all, its never getting better at all and stuff like that, what makes my anger state intolerable (it hurts !!) .

I dont know what else to do, all I feel is that I have failed... I cant even sit for 10 minutes anymore....

Help!!!

It's okay!

Meditation isn't always just bliss and relaxation. It's about learning to sit quietly with all the things that come and go in the mind, including (very normally!) anger, frustration, etc.

The key is to learn to not get stuck in the stories ("she made me so mad, I'm such a failure, I hate that guy...") but just to notice, with a sense of curiosity, how all these feelings and thoughts come and go.

It can be hard to do at first, because the stories are very strong. But that's why there are useful techniques like "noting" and watching the breathing or using a mantra or word. These techniques help us learn to pay attention to the thoughts as objects that float by, instead of starting to have that inner dialogue and argument. It does take practice!

A very simple way to start is just to name the things as they come by. For example start by naming the breath as it goes in and out. In...out...in...out (say the word softly outloud). Then after a few minutes start naming the other things. Like if you feel a wave of anger, say "anger". If you feel a wave of frustration say "frustration." If you feel a moment of relief, say "relief." If you feel a tension in your chest or arm say "tension." If you can't think of anything to name, go back to naming the breath: in...out...in...out.

Just doing that will help you start to learn to watch the sensations, thoughts and experiences come and go, as if you are watching fish swimming by in a stream.

Does that help?

We've all been through the same thing!

Also, Jackson wrote a good article about difficult emotions in meditation here:
dharmarefugees.wordpress.com/2010/12/06/...0%9Cnoting%E2%80%9D/

It might be more information than you need now, or it might give you some good ideas. The "RAIN" approach he describes might be helpful.

Bianca, I agree with Ona - it's okay! I acknowledge that it doesn't feel okay, though. Life hurts sometimes. Sometimes it hurts really bad. You can get through it, though. You can work through more than you realize.

Ona's suggestions are great. However, you may want to take your practice outside. Are you able to take a walk outside for you practice time? There's no unbreakable rule that says you have to sit while you practice. During some of the most difficult practice periods I've ever gone through, I worked through them by taking walks. Pay attention to your experience of walking, and looking, and feeling the sun or the rain on your skin. Listen to cars, birds, rustling trees, the sound of your feet against the pavement/gravel/grass, etc. Notice the way the scenery changes from moment to moment, how your thought and feelings come and go like the breeze against your skin.

Most importantly, walk naturally. Feel what you feel. It's okay if your mind wanders. It's okay if you feel calm at one moment, and on the verge of tears in the next. Just walk and allow the whole world to be your space. Keep you eyes and ears wide open, taking in all color, movement, and sound.

Believe me - this helps a lot! And it will not, in any way, take any momentum away from your practice.

P.S. This might sound inappropriate, but sometime anger can be funny. If you can tease your "self" about how angry she is, it may bring some relief.

Good suggestion about the walking, Jackson. I've done that, too.

thank you, guys!
i'll try the naming and the walk outside as soon as i can.

very interesting text, by the way!

Hello Bianca

I was wondering if you have made any progress made with this over the past 5+months?

If you have, that's great! and an update to that effect would be good to hear. If not, then there may be something else at play so I may have a few techniques to help you get back to being able to meditate.

Hi All One,

Thank you for asking!

Well, i´m doing much better right now, the advice you guys gave me really worked out, especially Ona´s "breath-naming " one.

But more important than that, I guess it was to know that the holle thing was normal and that i was not alone in that situation that helped me the most.

It's nice to hear a follow-up report. Thanks for checking back.

Hi Bianca

I'm really pleased the advice given worked for you. In most cases like yours what is needed is a slight change in technique or perception; and like you say, to know it is normal.

I also know from my own experience that, for a few people, the situation can be caused by something different to yours (but with similar symptoms) so ANY meditation seems to make it worse! But there ARE ways to get through this. I'm glad you haven't had to suffer this worst case scenario.

Thanks for your reply and letting is know.

Colin