What is hidden

Something occurred to me a few days ago, and since I haven't managed to forget it yet, I'll write it down here. Maybe it turns out to be useful to someone.

We human beings experience all kinds of impulses and motivations. Some are agreeable to us, others not so much. We wear the nice ones openly, so to speak, while we hide away the ones we don't like. We act upon or at least react to them all regardless, they all shape and fill out the contours of who we are and what we do.

Observing myself and those around me, I've come to notice the tell-tale holes much more clearly than previously: the careful poker-face or play of features, the unspoken words papered over by a joke or other remark, the artificial bustle, the deliberate body language, everything which implies, "there's nothing here to be seen, please move on."

None of this is likely to be news to anyone. It's just become a lot more obvious to me. Nobody is perfect, there is always rude graffiti underneath the white-wash.

This isn't any kind of appeal to sincerity or authenticity, that would just be more white-wash, wouldn't it?

It's just something which I used to consider "well, duh", which seems a lot more poignant to me now. I don't know, some weird kind of compassion.

Cheers,
Florian

Perception of frailty, fragility leading to compassion?

Cross posted from KFD:

Thanks Florian. This reminds me of a few months ago. I was feeling really bad, but I was having to put on the 'be a team leader', 'take care of my family' face. I finally just went up to my wife and said. 'Right now, I need to be vulnerable, I am tired of being the strong supporter, so tonight, can I just be OK with being vulnerable?' She of course was very supportive and happy I said something.

Man, what an amazing feeling it was just to say that and take the poker face off for a small period of time. Really refreshing.

Florian Weps wrote: Observing myself and those around me, I've come to notice the tell-tale holes much more clearly than previously: the careful poker-face or play of features, the unspoken words papered over by a joke or other remark, the artificial bustle, the deliberate body language, everything which implies, "there's nothing here to be seen, please move on."

Also much more noticeable is the artificiality of sports announcers, political figures, and the transparency of the manipulation in ads in all sorts of media.

However, on the plus side, genuine compassion, sincerity, vulnerability, and honesty are also more noticeable in others.

Nobody is perfect, there is always rude graffiti underneath the white-wash.

I'm curious about the word "rude". I think I'm taking it to imply intentionality at some level, and maybe that's your point. Sometimes, though, there is habitual or situational insecurity, nervousness, worry, or shyness. I wonder if these come across the same way to you as the "holes" do.

I have found that people (including myself) have become quite transparent-seeming. The lengths we go to to dance around the real questions or fears - sometimes out of politeness or playing our roles, but more often out of lack of awareness or just plain fear of owning up to all sorts of inner pain and anxiety. I find it very hard to see people's "falseness" or obsessions or harmful actions (including my own), as other than a reaction to some inner pain or fear they are desperately trying to avoid.

Rod wrote: Perception of frailty, fragility leading to compassion?

Good point. It's hard to keep that fig-leaf attached all the time. That's a very fragile arrangement.

Thanks
Florian

Russell wrote: Cross posted from KFD:

Thanks Florian. This reminds me of a few months ago. I was feeling really bad, but I was having to put on the 'be a team leader', 'take care of my family' face. I finally just went up to my wife and said. 'Right now, I need to be vulnerable, I am tired of being the strong supporter, so tonight, can I just be OK with being vulnerable?' She of course was very supportive and happy I said something.

Man, what an amazing feeling it was just to say that and take the poker face off for a small period of time. Really refreshing.

Yes... same here.

Cheers,
Florian

andy wrote: I'm curious about the word "rude". I think I'm taking it to imply intentionality at some level, and maybe that's your point. Sometimes, though, there is habitual or situational insecurity, nervousness, worry, or shyness. I wonder if these come across the same way to you as the "holes" do.

Yes, they are just as conspicuous by their absence. The "rude" graffiti was intended as imagery, to contrast with the whitewash imagery.

Cheers,
Florian

Ona Kiser wrote: I find it very hard to see people's "falseness" or obsessions or harmful actions (including my own), as other than a reaction to some inner pain or fear they are desperately trying to avoid.

So that's the sense of compassion explained.

Thanks, Ona

Cheers,
Florian

I like this, Florian. It reminds me of the sort of analysis Foucault engaged in with regard to "power" - specifically, that he employed a non-theoretical analysis for the sake of bringing awareness to various social/cultural mechanisms. A seemingly natural next step is to ask, "So, what can/should we do about this?" But we might as well ask why we are so oriented to ask "what comes next?" Could it be another manifestation of the same process you're describing here? Another way to try and cover up the rude graffiti?

Anyway, thanks for this.